{"id":1111,"date":"2010-12-07T08:47:52","date_gmt":"2010-12-07T08:47:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pouringbeans.com\/?p=1111"},"modified":"2010-12-07T08:49:05","modified_gmt":"2010-12-07T08:49:05","slug":"how-to-be-a-shit-wizard-a-handy-guide","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/?p=1111","title":{"rendered":"How To Be A Shit Wizard – a handy guide"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are so many great wizards out there, Gandalf, Merlin, some kid with glasses, that it does put a lot of pressure on starting wizards or begina-wizards to become somewhat of a legend. Luckily someone has seen sense and decided that not everyone has to be a great wizard, that sometimes being the worst at something can be a lot more fun. So we hereby present a bitesize version of Smoochies Inc’s ‘How To Be A Shit Wizard’.<\/p>\n

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  1. Start off with the most basic spells you can come across. The ‘box into another box’ and ‘make a pencil sharpener appear in your pocket’ are favourites amongst the shit magic community.<\/li>\n
  2. Dress as you mean to go on. Rummage around in any charity shops for clothing in the wrong sizes or look in your dad’s wardrobe for fashions that don’t exist out of 1976 (but not too deep, you never know what’s lurking in there).<\/li>\n
  3. Don’t bother with a magic wand; go for a magic straw instead. It’ll lessen the strength of your magic because of the hole in the middle.<\/li>\n
  4. Stay indoors a lot. Stray away from exciting adventures involving knights and dragons and gold and the such. Always make sure you catch ‘Eastenders’ and ‘Coronation Street’ and bore any other wizards you come across with thrilling conversations such as, “Did you see what Phil Mitchell did last night?”<\/li>\n
  5. Piss yourself as often as possible.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    The standard and deluxe editions of ‘How To Be A Shit Wizard’ are available now from most bookshops.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    There are so many great wizards out there, Gandalf, Merlin, some kid with glasses, that it does put a lot of pressure on starting wizards or begina-wizards to become somewhat of a legend. Luckily someone has seen sense and decided that not everyone has to be a great wizard, that sometimes being the worst at […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,4,43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-great","category-ian","category-look-at-this"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1111","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1111"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1111\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1114,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1111\/revisions\/1114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1111"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1111"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1111"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}