Are you still buying Christmas presents?<\/p>\n
Can’t what to do buy Uncle Dad or Cousin John in prison?<\/p>\n
Then what you need is the ultimate gift for the ultimate person! Smoochies Inc are proud to announce a release of 1000 only set of Stretched Weasel Cheese Statues, not available in the shops.<\/p>\n
Each statue has the chiseled features of nature’s favourite mammals: the beady eyes, the protruding whiskers, the cutsey face. In fact each statue has ten times more cute than the leading competator with a whole stack of satisfaction guaranteed.<\/p>\n
Order now and we will ship within 24 hours, so that’s at least 24 hours before the country gets snowed in again. And remember there are only 1000 sets for sale making it an instant limited edition, never to be re-issued again. In fact if you do not order at least one this instant you will forever remember this moment as the moment when you could have ordered a life-changing collection of Stretched Weasel Cheese Statues and you didn’t, because you plumped for something stagnant and ordinary like a copy of Shrek which you can buy any time and you shouldn’t really because they’re just plain awful.<\/p>\n
…<\/p>\n
Order now. Our dedicated staff are on hand to take your call.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Are you still buying Christmas presents? Can’t what to do buy Uncle Dad or Cousin John in prison? Then what you need is the ultimate gift for the ultimate person! Smoochies Inc are proud to announce a release of 1000 only set of Stretched Weasel Cheese Statues, not available in the shops. Each statue has […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,4,6],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1120","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gravy","category-ian","category-things"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1120","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1120"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1120\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1121,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1120\/revisions\/1121"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1120"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1120"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1120"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}