{"id":1331,"date":"2011-07-25T21:29:53","date_gmt":"2011-07-25T21:29:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.pouringbeans.com\/?p=1331"},"modified":"2011-07-25T21:35:38","modified_gmt":"2011-07-25T21:35:38","slug":"food-self-defence","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/?p=1331","title":{"rendered":"Food Self Defence"},"content":{"rendered":"

So you think you’re safe do you? You think you can handle this harsh, load-bearing world do you? Think you’re up to the test?<\/p>\n

Most people in response to this question wouldn’t have been able to muster an answer; they would have fallen down onto their knees and cried into their lunch. Why they would be eating their lunch this late is anyone’s guess. The fact is that we all want to be tough and pretend to be tough but we’re not. What you need is someone watching your back and ding dang doodle noodle if that person isn’t yourself!<\/p>\n

Yes. You are the best person to leap to your defence when you run into some trouble. So what will you use? Anything with a point will be confiscated from you as soon as you try to leave your house. You need something a little more nondescript, \u00a0something that will blend in. Food is a good start, but which? Swordfish is too obvious. Eggs will sting but won’t hold back those would-be should-be probably-are attackers.<\/p>\n

We start with the training wheels; Chupa Chups Lollies. Now I know what you’re thinking and yes, it is hard to cope with the stunning mix of looks and charm and wide legs. \u00a0Lollies are a perfect weapon. Take your hand and open the fingers then insert the round end of a Chupa Chups lolly between the fingers and close. Three instruments of pain are now yours to wield. Don’t bother using the stick ends because they’ll bend too easily. Smack someone in the face or arse or groin with those beauties and they won’t be getting up for breakfast.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Clap your hands. Lesson one over.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

So you think you’re safe do you? You think you can handle this harsh, load-bearing world do you? Think you’re up to the test? Most people in response to this question wouldn’t have been able to muster an answer; they would have fallen down onto their knees and cried into their lunch. Why they would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,23,27],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1331","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ian","category-think-about-it","category-tragic"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1331"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1338,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1331\/revisions\/1338"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1331"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1331"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1331"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}