Me: Hello?<\/p>\n
Pig: You f*cking b*stard, I am going to find you and f*ck you up good and proper sunshine. You will find me at the other end of the boot that is going to be kicking your a*se good and proper.<\/p>\n
Me: Is that Kev?<\/p>\n
Pig: When you wake up you will f*cking fear me. I will be the first f*cking thing on your mind, son. You will sh*t your pants at the veru sight of me and I will be on your case twenty four seven you just watch.<\/p>\n
Me: In that case I’m gonna need to buy some more pants.<\/p>\n
Pig: You what?<\/p>\n
Me: If I’m going to be cacking my pants every, what, hour or so then I’m going to need much, much more boxer shorts and they aren’t cheap.<\/p>\n
Pig: No you don’t seem to…<\/p>\n
Me: And I don’t get paid for another fortnight so is there any chance you might be able to hold off until say November sometime? Actually no that’s a busy month for me. And then there’s Christmas, ooo it’s all adding up. Could we possibly I know you were hoping for like now but would you mind waiting until the end of January?<\/p>\n
Pig: END OF JANUARY?!?<\/p>\n
Me: I’ll have to pay for Christmas and then there’s the boy’s birthday and he wants a party and everything. I’m not the richest man in the world and then having to save up for a sudden onslaught of terror brought on by a mysterious caller who is threatening to make me empty my bowels several times a day, well it’s a bit of an inconvenience.<\/p>\n
Pig: Look just forget it, alright?<\/p>\n
Ian: No come on, don’t be like that. I’m totally up for it however you just have to give me a little more time.<\/p>\n
Pig: It’s not worth it. If your hearts not in it.<\/p>\n
Ian: My heart is<\/em> in it. Don’t be like this<\/p>\n Engaged tone.<\/em><\/p>\n Ian: This is why I never answer calls after, on or before 9pm.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Me: Hello? Pig: You f*cking b*stard, I am going to find you and f*ck you up good and proper sunshine. You will find me at the other end of the boot that is going to be kicking your a*se good and proper. Me: Is that Kev? Pig: When you wake up you will f*cking fear […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[29,4,40],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1431","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-gravy","category-ian","category-shut-up"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1431"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1433,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1431\/revisions\/1433"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1431"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1431"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1431"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}