Following on from last month’s piece about\u00a0moody badgers this week we are looking at the damage that drunk owls are having not on their natural habit and the English countryside but also on society itself.<\/p>\n
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Owls. Easy to spell and say, but if you were one and you were drunk could you still manage? A recent poll discovered that 87% of owls spent more than five days a week getting hammered. The question is why? As an animal their lives are so free of stress it’s utterly insane to try and reason with the facts, that is until you bury beneath the surface of what was once nature’s Bank Holiday Weekend Megasale. We spoke to an owl who wishes to remain anonymous.<\/p>\n
“I… I don’t want to but I can’t help myself. It’s all too much. The mouses and the flying and the dark. I woke up this morning and pissed on a sheep. D’ya know what that does to a person? I hate eating toast when the butter goes runny. Idiots. All of them. God, it’s warm in here.\u00a0Sorta funky like. Can you smell that?”<\/p>\n
It would be fair to say that I’ve spent hours more productively than during that interview. It would also be fair to say that since the invention of the owl nothing has propelled them into the forefront of the media than the day JK Rowling took up a pen and starting twiddling it across paper. The Harry Potter books\u00a0more than quadrupled the interest in owls. My son, Archie, didn’t know what colour owls were until then. He thought they were purple. I explained that he was thinking of a beetroot and we both felt much better after that.<\/p>\n
Across the night mice are cheering because their once deadly predators are struggling to undo their trousers let alone try and catch them. Mice populations are tumbling out of control, like an owl after a crate of gin. Local government watchdogs in Surrey have tried to set up AA Meetings with little success, having made the bad decision to hold the meetings across the road from three pubs and the country’s largest keg of ale. Can anything be done to salvage the honour of this once majestic bird?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Following on from last month’s piece about\u00a0moody badgers this week we are looking at the damage that drunk owls are having not on their natural habit and the English countryside but also on society itself.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[4,17,41],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-623","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ian","category-loins","category-quite-nice"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=623"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/623\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=623"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=623"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=623"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}