The human race was left stunned yesterday as it has been confirmed that the moon has filed a restraining order against the sun.<\/p>\n
The moon, aka Carlos Vanderbeeter, faxed the paperwork to the local law courts in Liverpool, much to the bewilderment of the staff.<\/p>\n
“We have no idea, not a clue,” said the Chief Magistrate Thomas Lockjaw, “it’s pretty much a case of WTF, possibly the biggest we’ve ever seen.” Mr Vanderbeeter claims that he is tired of the lewd comments and obscene gestures he receives from the sun, aka Carley Fern, on a daily basis and has demanded that she be moved with\u00a0at least seven hundred and fifty thousand miles between the two stars to ensure that the alleged harrassment stops. In doing so though this could see the end of the human race as any alteration in the positioning of the sun could affect our planet’s temperature. That’s bad.<\/p>\n
“I honestly don’t know what we will do if he wins. The only transport we have is a Fiat Uno. Have you ever seen a 2000lb car trying to move a 7.35 x 10 ^22kg mass?”<\/p>\n
Yes. Yes I have.<\/p>\n
In response to this Miss Fern has defended herself stating that the allegations from Mr Vanderbeeter are entirely fabricated and that she will be fighting them from all angles. The proposed hearing will take place next month at Liverpool Magistrates Court, with chubby school children standing in for both sides of the dispute.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The human race was left stunned yesterday as it has been confirmed that the moon has filed a restraining order against the sun. The moon, aka Carlos Vanderbeeter, faxed the paperwork to the local law courts in Liverpool, much to the bewilderment of the staff. “We have no idea, not a clue,” said the Chief […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-670","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-noos-flash"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/670","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=670"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/670\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":671,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/670\/revisions\/671"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=670"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=670"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/pouringbeans.com\/archive\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=670"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}