Today is a sad day, its the day we’ve had to say goodbye to the Metal Horse™.
Metal Horses are well known for their time-traveling abilities, and nobody knew where (or when) he arrived from, but all of us have been touched by his presence in some way or another.
Whether it was stubbing my toe on him for the 8,000th time in the office, pressing him into use as a traditional “Yorkshire centrepiece”, or just generally being annoyed by his continued existence in my house, I know I’ll never forget him.
It was Sarah, as it often is, who took matters into her own hands. After he refused several reasonable requests to fuck off time-travel somewhere else, she listed him for sale on a popular online auction site.
eBay, she put him on eBay.
And so it it with great pleasure deep regret that I must inform you that some poor idiot lucky bidder will now receive the Metal Horse™ direct to their house, for the low low price of £9.99 (+plus £20.25 shipping). An absolute bargain.
I hope he spreads his special kind of misery joy around for many more happy years to come.
Do please write in and tell us of your favourite Metal Horse™ memories, so that we can all bask in the wonder that is or was the Metal Horse™.
16 comments on “Goodbye Metal Horse”
I’m sure if you listed it as a time-travelling metal horse you would have much much MUCH more bids than a regular metal horse.
I am amazed that people go looking on eBay for items such as this. I mean, I find it hard to believe anyone would want one at all, but wanting one to the extent that you wouldn’t just pick it up if you happened to see it in a charity shop, but that you’d actually enter search terms into eBay in the hope that someone would sell you one… no. It’s beyond me.
Is or was, how ominous his words are. I bet it’s gone unsold.
It’s possible that the Metal Horse’s new owner has already melted it down for scrap, but we can take comfort from the absolute certain knowledge that, whatever has happened, the Metal Horse hasn’t been broken, because that is impossible.
You cant break a Metal Horse! I’m pretty sure he’ll be fine, busy pissing someone else off right now. After all, if you tried to melt him down he’d probably just time travel to just before you did and be fine.
So you can never get rid of him? Wouldn’t therefore the metal horse time-travel back to the point prior to you selling him every time?
He loves you, Kev, how could you do this to him? Or her? Is it a her?
If the Metal Horse was going to time travel back to the point prior to Kev selling him, then we’d know about that because it would have happened, and it hasn’t happened, so the horse isn’t going to do it. QED.
Can you get Metal Horses on QVC now? They’ve really gone down market.
Down hill. Down market. Down full stop, mate, but if Chris wants to sell them on the shopping channel then we should encourage and support him.
Is it possible for a Metal Horse to go downmarket? It’s a pretty low altitude market item to begin with. I suspect it was already downmarket, which is what attracted QVC to it in the first place.
Look are you gonna take my money or what? I want five, give me five of them.
Do you really want five of them? I would urge you to consider whether you really do want five of them in your flat, and that Christmas is coming up, and that I’m me.
In the words of Phillip J. Fry, “shut up and take my money!”
Yes I want five. If Kev is going to get five lovely parcels from me, then I’m going to need them quick pronto fixingtons.
Yes, I see the plan now. If I’m honest I wasn’t convinced before and I’m only losing faith as time goes on.
Do not sell that man any Metal Horses.
Sell? Hoo boy, I was going to just give them to him for Christmas. If you think he’d pay actual money for them then that changes EVERYTHING.