This is Ian’s page. He hasn’t written anything on it… until now.

Ian wasn’t so much born as he was created in a lab back in 1983. Scientists agreed that the world was far too square and needed something, or someone, they weren’t that bothered about which, to shake it up. When we say shake it up though we mean something, or someone, to come along and annoy the hell out of everyone.

Ian has been annoying people since he was very little. He finds it something of an art form and for whatever reason continues to do it even at the age he is, which according to his publisher is officially “pushing 30”. We understand that he has been this age since 2009 and will remain this age until 2041. What has baffled experts is how he has managed to maintain friendships and relationships in spite of his high level of annoyingness. In 2011 Roderick Baffingham discovered a 0.09% level of charm incorporated into this annoyingness which can be the only reason.

Ian is a keen inventor and has patents pending on the following inventions:

• The Wheel of Thrusting
• The Clock Monocle
• Gammocks (Gammon hammocks) and Hammocks (Ham hammocks)

When he isn’t referred to as Ian he could be Nightmeal, his superhero alter ego, James D. Titan, his attorney at law alter ego, Bonobo Cupcake, his spy alter ego, or any number of other names. It’s very confusing knowing Ian and the best thing is possibly not to know him.