You probably know that, once Easter Sunday is gone, the supermarkets want to ditch their remaining Easter eggs and clear the shelves for something else.
Anyway, it turns out that if you’re a grown up you can do what you want, so on Monday we bought all this.
Then, on Tuesday, we came home to find that each of us had bought some more without mentioning it to the other. So now we have everything you see above, plus three more of the biggest Easter eggs, six more smaller ones, another 16 Creme Eggs, some sort of Creme Egg chocolate bar, quite a lot of Reese’s Eggs, numerous Cadbury’s Caramel eggs and two Toblerone products called Edgy Eggs.
We are now faced with a storage problem that, somehow, neither of us had foreseen.
Anyway, don’t worry too much, we’ll sort it out one way or another.
Gather round, gather round everyone. It’s time for a fun competition that we can all take part in. Grab your friends, grab your relatives, even grab your doggo! Come one and all to start the new year the right way.
The right way being… over two weeks after it’s already started. Yes, I’m finally awake again and can form sentences that moderately make sense some of the time (and that’s all you can hope for when you’re me).
When I was at me mum’s house over Christmas, she had started the usual clear out of cupboards and tidying but sadly more pressing matters got in the way. She has a habit of forgetting about and then not using things before their sell-by date. These then get pushed near the back of the cupboard and are usually removed around December. Occasionally things get pushed to the very VERY back and are lost to time and space. How big are these cupboards? Not very, although you’d think they were the size of the Alhambra Theatre in Bradford when we move to the next part.
I fished out a couple of food items that were well past their best. Using state-of-the-art technology, I have removed the date and it’s up to YOU to guess when it expired. You get one point for the month and one point for the year. If you get both right you’ll receive a bonus point meaning there are three points up for grab each time. There are four games to play over the next four months and with minimal participation (for some of us, wink wink) you could win a superb prize (to be chosen at a later date, and not an imaginary prize like those jelly babies Christopher was jabbering about some months back).
First up – Mint and dark chocolate fondant thins from Sainsburgers. Choose your month and year, gentlemen.
Shoe: … left to relieve himself behind the back of Dixons.
Bin: Words to live by surely.
Shoe: It’s coming up tooooooooooo 14:04 this Tuesday afternoon. We’ve been on air since midday…
Bin: Hey, we’ve been broadcasting longer than that.
Shoe: Snappy as always, Bin. Ten years next July, isn’t it?
Bin: I’m afraid so. We’ve been inflicting these people for almost a decade, poisoning even.
Shoe: A decade of Shoe ‘n’ the Bin. Any highlights?
Bin: Nah!
Shoe: Insightful as ever. 14:05 and we’ve already taken you to the dizzy heights of ‘Since You Bin Gone’ by Rainbow and even though he really wanted to, I had to veto Bin from playing Rainbow and Kelly Clarkson back-to-back.
Bin: It’s two songs with the same name! How can you veto entertainment like that?
Shoe: It would be as ker-azy as playing Jennifer Rush, Frankie goes to Hollywood and Huey Lewis and the News one after another.
Bin: I don’t know what you’re referring to.
*honking horn noise in the background*
Shoe: This is why I’m in charge and you’re not.
*sound of applause*
Bin: Can you believe this? Recount! Recount! Après vous!
Shoe: In the next hour you can expect to hear the delights of Otis Redding with ‘I’ve Bin Loving You Too Long’, Charlene’s ‘I’ve Never Bin To Me’.
Bin: I’ve never been to her either. That’s a weird song.
Shoe: It is a weird song, yeah. Ending shortly before the half past news with the succulent sounds of Roxette and ‘It Must Have Bin Love’.
Bin: I tried to find her on a map once, spent hours looking for her, thought I clocked her in Leicestershire but it was Charnwood instead.
Shoe: The lovely government district borough of Charnwood. Shout out to anyone listening in Charnwood. Actually shout out to anyone listening.
*slide whistle noise*
Bin: Once that’s bin and done, we’ll be hitting 3pm with a bang because it’s SHOE HOUR!
*sound of an explosion*
Shoe: Never get tired of that, can shoe believe it? I’m not one to tease but if shoe were hoping to hear the Kinks, Rick Astley and Queen…
Bin: ‘Shoe Really Got Me’, ‘Never Gonna Give Shoe Up’, and ‘We Will Rock Shoe’ respectively…
Shoe: Then you’d best keep tuned in to the best radio show shoe’ve ever heard.
Bin: We’re here every day whether we like it or not.
Shoe: I need to confess something before we move on. I used to be a criminal, but I have since reformed my ways.
Bin: You never told me this!
Shoe: All true, all true. I would have carried on as well however after I had ‘Bin Caught Stealing’ I stopped and thankfully Jane’s Addiction set me on the straight and narrow. Take it away…
The July 2024 ‘Consider Me’ movement released by unsuspecting labouring footstool peddler, Chris Marshall, has seen momentum over the last few weeks and things seem to be getting more and more interesting.
By the end of July, three new people had already considered him. The day after, two more people had thought about considering him and after a few arguments it was decided that thinking about considering something still counts as considering something.
A couple from Pitsea read the article and were more than happy to consider him and did so with great gusto.
Hebburn Town Women’s football club were rumoured to be considering Chris but only if the weather allowed it. Reports have since come in that they turned down the idea of considering him after considering a weekend away in Amsterdam instead, which seemed the better of the two.
Experts have predicted that at least a dozen more people have considered or will be considering him over the next few days, with figures expected to double by this time next week.
How far will this ridiculous campaign go? Only time will tell.
As you know, I’m a coach supporting talented, underprivileged young players – and it’s no surprise so few of them make it to Wimbledon. But you’ll know that because I talk about it a lot.
Anyway, it would be great if you could read my article and let me know what you think. I spent ages on it.
Earlier this year I posted about an emergency bean grab, prompting a comment thread in which Ian accused me of telling the worst fairytale ever; we went on to work up a much better one that might work as a graphic novel. I then drew the fairytale as a very short comic graphic novel and got a post out of that, achieving the rare but satisfying feat of having a Beans post spawned organically out of the comments on another.
Well, in an unprecedented move, I’m rolling it over a second time, because this post has been spawned by the comment thread under the fairytale comic. Winner!
The point of all this is that Ian liked the way he was portrayed in his first cutaway, the one where he was showing how brave he is, and suggested he should appear that way in some movie posters.
And lo, it was done: here’s Brave Ian in two of this summer’s biggest action movie hits.
Ian as Vin Diesel in “Fast X”Ian as Tom Cruise in “Mission: Impossible: Dead Reckoning”
