NEWS JUST IN!
Roland Rat has fallen down a manhole into the sewer close to his home near Stepney Green.
We have received a report that eighties megastar Roland was enjoying a mid evening jog with fellow tv personality Kevin the Gerbil when he lost his footing and accidentally dropped through the ground into the murky depths below.
Roland Rat shot to fame after discovering he was a puppet and children have a short attention span. Before long he was gracing everything from television to lunch boxes to a really terrible game on the ZX Spectrum.
Rat’s mansion is rumoured to be the second-largest in the whole of the UK, closely behind Mr Chang and his up until recently ever expanding home improvements centre. It also has ten times, or tice, as many toilets as the number in Chris and Elena’s new flat.
The BBC have a newscopter hovering over the manhole and George Alla… George Allegeyah… George Alegra… Nicholas Witchell is being lowered on a rope to interview him.
More to follow as the action happens.
17 comments on “Newsboost – Rowdy Roland Rat Tumble Rumble Roundhouse”
Does Nicholas Witchell still wear the same chunky knit sweaters he used to wear to present 999?
Ooops, that was Michael Buerk
That was a fail. Did you see that? DID EVERYONE SEE THAT FAIL?
I did. I saw that fail. Compounded by an inability to spell Michael Beur… Burr… Bieu… Bourk… Nicholas Witchell.
It was so sickening that I had to call Moira Stew… Stu… Stewu… Nicolas Witchell and tell him all about it.
Did you get through? I can’t imagine his phone has much signal down there.
He’s back now and covered in fee… covered in faces… covered in poo.
I’m imagining Nicholas Witchell covered in faces and I don’t like it.
How many faces could Nicholas Witchell fit onto his face? Surely they would have to be smaller versions to fit then all on.
Is his face covered in more Nicholas Witchell faces? Are all those faces also covered in even tinier Nicholas Witchell faces? And what do those tiny faces have on them?
Terrible terrible achne.
(Kev mate, you’ve got a rogue ‘h’ in there mate. You might wanna sort that out before anyone else sees mate).
He meant to say ack… accn… akhn… Nicholas Witchell.
But wait, if Nicholas Witchell has a bunch of tiny Nicholas Witchell faces on his face and each one of those has acne which is in fact even smaller Nicholas Witchell faces then… Do they go on forever?!
I think so. It’s an infinitely complex, repeating pattern. The proper term for one is a Mandelbru… Mondelbra… Mandall… a Mundelbro… Nicholas Witchell.
One of these days I will raise enough money and we shall venture into the infinity complex that is Nicholas Witchell. We may never return but such a feat will hold us up high and we may even be spoken about in the same breath as Su Pollard, Dave Benson Phillips or even Sophie Aldridge. Bless.
Sophie Aldridge? Do you mean the 20-year-old who had a baby without knowing she was pregnant? Or do you mean the Doctor Who actress Sophie Aldred?