What does winter bring you? Christmas? Inner peace? Chilblains and a bad case of the sniffles? Whatever it does bring you, you can guarantee it doesn’t bring you respect.
Winter does not respect you. It will blow you over, blow you down, freeze your chinchillas off and then demand a thousand pounds. Try as you might, there is no easy way to appease winter unless you’re hiding indoors under a blanket hoping it goes away. Wouldn’t you like to give the harshest of seasons what for? Don’t you want to stick twos up at winter and laugh in its cold, dank face?
Look at you; you’re covered in hair. What you need to do is get more of it. ‘Janu-Hairy’ is the newest thing to ever be a thing. In line with other charity-based events, such as ‘Movember’ and ‘Decembeard’, ‘Janu-Hairy’ plans to raise money for people who don’t have hair. Wigs and hairpieces will be distributed amongst those in need, like a wiggy Santa Claus.
How does one help then? By being sponsored to grow as much hair as possible between 1st and 31st January. It’s the easiest thing to do because your body does it anyway, and the more unnecessary hair growth in all your sick and disturbing places the better. That means more cha ching for worthy causes.
Being Hairy on the go, of course I will be participating because I’ve got more hair than all three of the Beans Team put together. I will grow the shit out of my hair for thirty one days in the name of good will toward men and women, whomever needs my hair.
It would be nice if we could use seminal Papples classic ‘January’ as the theme for the event, possibly changing some of the words to fit the occasion. It’s playing in my head now and it’s still lovely.
If you would like to participate then do let me know.
23 comments on “‘Janu-Hairy’”
Is Janu-hairy sponsored by Fotosearch?
I’m going to start my own charity event where you have to spend all month being curved and supporting weight. I’m going to call it M-arch.
That photo was so bad that I HAD to include it. The combination of the hairy knuckles and massive Fotosearch exposure had me beside myself.
You could make it more personal and call it My-arch. Is being curvy and supporting weight an illness?
Those knuckles are hairy alright. I bet they belong to a very hairy man. Is it the hand of Burt Reynolds?
Poor Burt. Nay, tis nit his nickels.
Answer my questions about M-arch.
My answers are: no and no.
Trying to organise a charity event for something that isn’t an illness and nobody cares about is a pointless endeavour. You may as well organise one for ME, for ME.
It is, literally, a pointless endeavour. But if you want me to donate a quid to YOU, for YOU, I will do that.
I would really like if you could donate a quid to ME, for ME, because that way I will feel (not feel feel which is what I originally typed) the benefit of an extra London pound in my pocket, which is equivalent to 2.75 Newcastle pounds.
If I sent you two London pounds, equivalent to 5.5 Newcastle pounds, would you begin to feel feel? With more pounds rolling in, is it possible you’d eventually feel feel feel?
The whole point of existence is to feel squared (or feel2, but this won’t let me put the right maths in) so I would hope to eventually reach feel feel feel within my lifetime.
Gimme the money.
Is feel feel feel actually feel cubed?
No, that’s feel to the power of three, which is not as good as feel cubed.
Feel cubed is only a concept at the moment because feel squared is so powered it’s largely impossible to get past it.
(aside)
Am I covering the fact that I know shit all about maths well enough to carry on this charade?
I see. But why is feel cubed better than feel to the power of three? Is it because the cubed one is 3D? 3D things are always better.
That’s exactly the right reason, well done, you win the award! Congratulations!
Thank you! What is the award? And when do I get it?
You win the award for ‘Best in Show’. It will follow once Kev has his “birth certificate”.
Yesssssssss!
*looks for someone to fist bump*
*fist bumps chair arm*
You’re fisting that chair good and proper yeah!
Yeah. I like my chairs how I like my eggs: fisted.
(That made me laugh possibly more than it should have done).
Woah, with lines like that the babes better watch out!
Yeah. All those babes. Mmhm.
I also wanted to do this again because it makes me smile:
*sings*
January, lately, conservatively, check ma diary…