Dear Everyone,
(And when I say “everyone” I mainly mean Chris.)
I have let you all down. Look at me and feel disappointed right down to your very core. For the last eleven months I have managed to crack out a steady rate of four posts per month in line with the rules decided by the Beans Board. I am not permitted to go past four posts for fear of what may come forth from my subconscious; we all remember that December where I posted something new every day and almost lost my mind in the process. That can never happen again.
At the end of October I was three posts in with only one left to go. I was on the verge of slipping one in on the last day to earn that mighty, mighty bean and keep the count going. In fact it started a few days prior, I watched the calendar move from 29th to 30th October and then the last day was on the horizon. Each evening I was poised to finish what I had started and for some reason I couldn’t. It wasn’t as though I was stuck for ideas; I have several brewing for this month, not great ones but enough to reach the quota. In the words of that Papples album title that never was, “Ticking the Boxes”. So why not?
It was two reasons. The first is simple: I was tired, I was still getting rid of my sinusitis and I couldn’t find the energy to do anything let alone type words and stare at a screen. My face stung like a blunt wasp’s nail file (it’s fine now). The second is also simple: I was struck by the quality of Chris’ posts that I didn’t believe I could come up with anything that was as good. After laughing for several days upon seeing my book covers not stacked in a pile, ready to be thrown on the bonfire, but displayed for the world to see my brain took a leap and gave up. It decided that three was enough for this month and the streak was over.
The time for giving up is over though. I am back on the horse and ready to take flight yet again. I am honking all the geese at the same crossroads. It’s going to be nothing BUT quality from hereon in. November and December are going to be BELTERS.
Before that though I am going to have to be punished for my transgressions. It is only fair for letting everyone (?) down. I am going to ask Kevin to administer this for my failure to do my job properly.
All the fun of the fair
Ian McIver
14 comments on “An Apology of Sorts”
I’m sure that everyone (mainly Chris) will forgive you in time.
Now for your punishment…
There, that’s it, off you pop.
Now listen here, young sonny Jim lad. I didn’t spend several weeks toiling over a hot stove (?) making a stack of fake book covers just for you to give up on life. You should be drawing inspiration and strength from those books and reaching for new heights of blog glory.
I wrote those books, I have read those books and also seen them burn on many, many, many bonfires. I take every lesson and pass it on sevenfold.
I think, considering all that has passed since this post was published, the best thing about it is the use of “all the fun of the fair” as a sign-off. I’m going to use that instead of “yours sincerely” next time I write a letter.
Would you ever describe me as a muse?
No. I’d describe you as an annoyance.
That’s very rude, accurate to a tee but also very rude.
I would describe myself as a muse because I inspire annoyance in everyone that meets me.
Annoyingly accurate.
Look at my face when I’m acknowledging your comments!
I think it’s probably time that someone pointed out the fact that this post is about Ian apologising for only making three posts in a month and not scoring a bean, but actually Ian scores a bean for making either three or four posts in a month, so he still scored a bean.
I scored that bean like a gelatin pro, that is correct, but I also didn’t knock it out the park like Sammy’s knees (what?).
We’re British, we have to apologise for everything. The other day I was blocking a colleague from getting past in the corridor at work and he apologised to me!
Did you deck him?
Of course I did. When he walked past me I threw him down the stairs, a bit like Steve Steveingtons would.
Good man. It’s the only way these bastards will learn.