Owl be watching youHe sits in his hiding place. He is brightly coloured, vivid even, and yet difficult to see.
You walk up the street. It’s a nice day, there’s nobody around. And then – when it’s already too late – you see him. Dark eyes stare you down. He has been watching you. Judging you. You feel guilty, but no apology will be enough.
Beware the owl.
Crab in controlWe all knew that design genius Kevindo Menendez was destined for great things long before his stylish designs graced the catwalks of Micklefield Fashion Week.
But surely it’s a true sign that his thrusting work has achieved worldwide penetration that one of his classics, the “Crab” mug, has been spotted in the Master Control Room of a major broadcaster.
It’s one thing to have your “Penguin” t-shirt worn by Naomi Campbell but it’s days like this that must matter the most to a leading designer like him.
Wiping away historyToday I did a kind of cleaning I’ve never done before: I cleaned the keys of my computer keyboard. Not where crumbs have landed in between them – the keys themselves. Some of them were dirty, you see, with a sort of browny-grey film on them. The keys I use all the time were white, the ones I use occasionally had a white middle and dirty edges, and the ones I never use were just dirty all over.
It’s annoyed me for a while but today I hit on the solution. I took a rubber to the keyboard and rubbed out all the dirt. Now it’s sparkling clean and all the keys are white. But while I was erasing the filth, it occurred to me that in its dirty state I effectively had a keyboard-sized infographic showing which keys I use and which I don’t. For some reason, the square brackets were completely filthy, even though I’m sure I use them sometimes, while the weird § key had a clean spot, even though I can’t remember ever having used it before typing this sentence. Comma was dirtier than full stop. Q was cleaner than Z.
Even weirder, the numbers got gradually dirtier from left to right, so 1 was clean while 9 was pretty mucky.
It’s nice to have a clean keyboard again but I feel like I’ve lost a historical record of the letters I type and the keys I don’t need. A little bit of history wiped away.
A lost classicOver the years, our various Film Production Companies – Constantly Falling Productions, Al and Chris Productions, Chris Productions and the world famous Pouring Beans Productions – have turned out one classic movie hit after another. But talk amongst fans often turns to the story, told in hushed tones around camp fires late at night, that there is another film that was made but never released because Al lost it.
Well, those stories are true, and what’s more, Al has found the missing film under a selection of gentlemen’s art pamphlets in his attic. For the first time in a decade, Al n Chris’s Big Day Out has been unearthed. It’s a thrilling story of teleportation, time travel and evil twins.
Obviously I can’t post it here ahead of its Leicester Square premiere, but I have chosen a short clip from the pre-titles part of the film that shows what an incredible find it really is. In the space of just 24 seconds, this clip contains brilliant acting, exciting CGI graphics, a powerful original musical score and some nudity. Enjoy!
This Way Up: Episode 3Can it really be true? Is this what we have all been waiting for? Will it save mankind?
Well, thank you for asking. The answers to your enquiries are yes, yes and no, in that order. And if your next question is “I don’t remember asking these questions, what exactly are we talking about?” then the answer to that question is This Way Up episode 3!
If you don’t want to look at this page while you listen to it, you can always download it.
Owl have a coffeeCurrent trends in the world of wildlife are all over the gossip pages of the newspapers these days. The pandas taking selfies, the rhino that hosted the Grammy awards and the arctic foxes wearing Naomi Campbell’s skin as a luxurious wrap are all well known.
But what about the less famous creatures of the world? What are they doing? It turns out that many woodland creatures are developing a taste for human food. Italian is popular with many species, with dormice in some parts of England now surviving entirely on conchiglie al forno, tiramisu and Chianti.
And if you don’t believe me, here’s an owl in a Leeds branch of Costa Coffee.
This Way Up: Episode 2If the first episode tickled your chips, this one is all set to douse them in comedy vinegar. (No, I don’t know either.)
Featuring some calls from Money.com and the debut of Montgomery and Margaret, please pin back your ears for the second episode of… This Way Up!
You can listen above or download it here.
Hoorah!
This Way Up: Episode 1I know, I know: you’ve been waiting a long time. I’m sorry. But it’s finally here!
The long-awaited radio comedy debut of Reuben, Throckley Young Comedian Of The Year 2014 and three-time winner of “Funniest Person In Aud’s Living Room”, is ready to go.
(You can also download it if you like.)
Starring Reuben and Ian. Walk-on parts by Chris. A Pouring Beans Productions Production, probably.