There’s a serious problem that we have all been completely failing to address, and it’s been going on for too long now. I have decided to fix it. The arrangement of bank holidays across the year is inconsistent, unfair and stupid.
Just look at this chart showing where all the bank holidays fell in 2020. What a mess.
Just spacing them out evenly wouldn’t bring an end to this madness, because there’s only seven of them. That would mean a wait of 52 days between free days off work, a barely acceptable waiting time.
The solution is obvious. More bank holidays, sprinkled evenly throughout the year, so we get one about every two weeks. That’s a massive win. Here’s my suggested list.
- New Year’s Day
- Blue Monday
- Pancake Day
- Box Set Thursday
- Spring Cleaning Day
- St Patrick’s Heavy Drinking Day
- Good Friday
- Easter Monday
- First T-Shirt Day of the Year
- Eurovision Day
- The Other May Bank Holiday
- Boxing Day (relocated)
- Wimbledon Finals Day
- Beer Garden Friday
- Barbecue Day
- Holiday Packing Day
- Summer Bank Holiday
- DFS Sale Day
- Steak Pie and Mash Day
- Winter Coat Day
- Wellies and Leaf Crunching Day
- Bonfire Night
- Pyjama Wednesday
- Christmas Shopping Day
- Christmas Day
- New Year’s Eve
This results in a much better spread of bank holidays through the year, as shown below.
Please consider this the start of my campaign to enshrine these new bank holidays in law, and also the start of my campaign to be Prime Minister. Thank you.
11 comments on “Bank holidays”
I’m afraid to say that you don’t deserve that many bank holidays. Also you can’t give any bank holidays to September or March, everyone hates those months.
What do you mean I don’t deserve them? They’re for everyone. Everyone would get them. Are you saying that you don’t deserve them either? Does nobody deserve them?
I’m sorry but you’ve had enough bank holidays. The Council decided and you can’t have anymore by law. Kev, however, is getting a bonus of 17 new bank holidays for 2021.
Congratulations, Kev!
Why does he get them and not me? What Council is this? Have I got a right of appeal?
This is profoundly unfair. It will be doubly unfair if it turns out that one of Kev’s extra bank holidays is Pyjama Wednesday. That was my idea and I’ve got first dibs on it.
I’m sorry but Martine McCutcheon already invented it back when she was advertising Yakult yoghurt in 2011. She called it a ‘duvet day’ so really all you’ve done is taken someone else’s thing and renamed it.
State your case as to why you believe you deserve dem days and I’ll refer your comments to the Council. Please feel free to make this a full-on post if you have a lot to say.
The only thing I have to say is that the Council are a bunch of douchebags and when the new term starts I’m going to flush their heads down the toilets until they give me my bank holidays.
There’s that toxic masculinity again.
Do you ever flush people’s heads down the toilet as part of your toxic masculinity?
I don’t have any, I gave away all of mine for Christmas. There’s some little cherub somewhere in the North East of England who is now raging every single day. No wonder there’s a shortage of steaks and sugar.
You don’t have any toilets? Where do you go when you feel three W’s coming on?
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Uroclub-Portable-Urinal-Guaranteed-Novelty/dp/B01LWY91O2