I wasn’t expecting a lot from this post, based on the title, but credit where it’s due: this is the most turned on I have ever been while thinking about bins.
I should be clear that my appetite for it is effectively nil, but to the extent that I have any appetite for it at all, you have absolutely satisfied it.
That’s quite different to what I’m saying, and it’s certainly some way distant from the truth, but I am happy to keep quiet about my misgivings if it means we can change the subject soon.
There there. I tell you what, because I’m such a good friend, and I listen to you and your rather lengthy problems, I’m going to arrange an intervention for you. I mean I say intervention but it’s more an interview where you tell me all your personal problems, I record them and then play them back to large groups of people for money.
Can I suggest this one? It might be a bit pixelly by the time its stretched up, but most people who talk about their disgusting problems have a pixellated face, and you know… who cares?
Bin Porn
23 comments on “Bin Porn”
I wasn’t expecting a lot from this post, based on the title, but credit where it’s due: this is the most turned on I have ever been while thinking about bins.
I am so glad that I have managed to satisfy your appetite for rubbish-based erotica.
I should be clear that my appetite for it is effectively nil, but to the extent that I have any appetite for it at all, you have absolutely satisfied it.
Right.
So what you’re saying is that out of all your lurid, disgusting fetishes, bin porn is your favourite.
That’s quite different to what I’m saying, and it’s certainly some way distant from the truth, but I am happy to keep quiet about my misgivings if it means we can change the subject soon.
That’s a long-winded way of saying I’m right, isn’t it?
#perseverance
No, not really. How soon can we talk about something else?
Only once you admit your problem can we move on to the next stage. Write it out loud, Chris, you’re in a safe place amongst friend here.
OK. That’s fine. I will write my problem loudly below.
I DON’T KNOW WHY WE ARE STILL TALKING ABOUT THIS.
There there. I tell you what, because I’m such a good friend, and I listen to you and your rather lengthy problems, I’m going to arrange an intervention for you. I mean I say intervention but it’s more an interview where you tell me all your personal problems, I record them and then play them back to large groups of people for money.
I’d like that. I’d be demeaned and exploited, but people would be paying attention to me for a little while.
Would you also show them a picture of my face while you were playing them the tapes, so they were also looking at me?
YOU. Pay attention to YOU. YOU need more attention to your FACE.
If that would prop your ego up with a pillow and a hot drink then, yes, I need a 55 inch by 55 inch picture of your viso/volto.
Can I suggest this one? It might be a bit pixelly by the time its stretched up, but most people who talk about their disgusting problems have a pixellated face, and you know… who cares?
Hmm. I’d rather the mocking crowds saw me in HD, but that will do.
That’s a good face. I’m taking your face and I’m making it HUGHER. GIGANTIG. TREEMUNDOUS.
Hugher? As in, more Hugh? My face really isn’t very Hugh at all right now so that’s probably not difficult.
If you could ‘Hugh Laurie’ your face up a bit more that would benefit everyone.
Or maybe you could go for a Hugh Griffith?
If you were feeling particularly fruity you could aim for a ‘Hugh Jackman’.
I think I’d rather be more distinguished and go for a Hugh Bonneville. Can you arrange that?
Not go for the low blow hilarious option of Hugh Jazz?
I’m going to take that as a no. Please direct me to someone who can Hugh Bonneville my face up.
Do you want the number of my eye surgeon? He’s grafted all my eyes, perhaps he can Dudley Moore up your face or whatever it is you want doing.