In a move that Kev will find outright baffling, I’ve just published another Book of nonsense generated earlier this year. This one is titled I Bought this from Steve for a Double High Five, mainly because that’s the first thing written in it.
It was written (ha! “Written”!) in June this year by just Chris and Ian, on a weekend where Kev was not present. That’s a break with tradition, to be sure, but it’s still a valuable record of many insightful conversations and groundbreaking ideas, and deserves to be placed online where the whole world can read it and learn from it.
Among other things, it includes:
- MC Jellybowl spittin’ rhymes
- Potential titles for Ian’s forthcoming book on the history of Middlesex
- Nicky Campbell spinning the Wheel of Vittles
- All the Tenniversary nostalgia, including the Poignancyometer
Heaven only knows what it looks like to someone who wasn’t there. Maybe Kev can tell us.
You’ll find it on the Books page.
27 comments on “In one vole and out the other”
I still haven’t perused it yet. This is how I normally start threads about things that we have done and I have forgotten about. You have to admit that I am consistent.
You’re very consistent with taking things I spend a great amount of time putting online and then doing absolutely naff all with them for extended periods, yes. But that’s fine. I’m absolutely delighted.
It’s not that I don’t cherish and love the amount of effort you put it, mate. In fact it’s the complete opposite. I think.
When I am gray and frail, struggling with arthritis, I will point to this very page on the website so my grandkid(s) will know what I did that one time I went to Royskopp.
In that case, I’d like to write a message to your grandkid(s) for them to read all those years in the future:
Alright Ian’s Grandkid(s). Stop pissing about with your hovercars and bionic elbows for a minute and listen up. Ian owes me a fiver from summer 2019 when he failed to cough up for his share of the cost for some premium central London office space. If his mate Marshall is still alive, please nick a fiver from your old Grandpop’s wallet and slide it my way. Thanks guys.
Bionic elbows? Wow, sign me up for a huge bin bag of those bad boys.
I want one that has a little compartment to keep cheese in.
That sounds more like a sideboard elbow, or possible a fridgelbow.
When you say the word ‘sideboard’ you know exactly what I’m going to say…
The cyborg?
Exactly.
Sean the Sideboard Cyborg with Sideburns.
I bet he has bionic elbows coming out of his ears.
That sounds uncomfortable. Presumably his ears are bionic elbow generators of some sort. He truly is futuristic.
I’ve checked; he has 1200 watts producing 1.25 bionic elbows per second. If that isn’t impressive I don’t know what is.
That is impressive. I find myself wondering what he could possibly be doing with all those bionic elbows that must be spilling out of his ears all the time. That’s 48 a minute. Even if you did nothing they’d soon be piling up.
He’s selling them to the Chinese. For some reason they can’t get enough of bionic elbows, in fact it’s the pinnacle of cuisine in futuristic Beijing.
He’s onto a good thing there, then. Does he just trail a shipping container around with him and bung it in the post to Shanghai once it fills up?
He used to do that, he’d spend his lunch breaks wanging elbows into a massive container. These days he has a box under the desk and when it fills up an assistant runs in with a replacement and takes the full one to a depot.
Sean the Sideboard Cyborg has a desk? And an assistant? He’s really going up in the world. What a high roller.
I am not in the slightest bit jealous of him and his beautiful wife and three kids, perfect house and worthwhile job. I’m gonna carry on eating this out of date salad and hope for the best.
What are you eating out of a date salad? What is a date salad, anyway? Is it just a bowl of dates?
No, it’s when you have a fake Italian accent and try to say, “out of date salad”.
It arrives as, “out of a date salad”.
Do you see the difference?
I think I do, but I’d still like to know whether a date salad is just a bowl with several types of date in it. I quite like dates.
No dates. No capes.
You don’t put sweetness into a salad or at least I don’t. I keep it nice and flat, nice and bland. Green extreme.
You can definitely put sweetness in a salad. Tomatoes are sweet for a start. How about sweetcorn?
Tomatoes ruin salads. I don’t want that.
Sweetcorn could make an appearance but don’t. I prefer them to be hot. Cold sweetcorn is a little depressing.
You’d hate a middle-eastern style salad with pomegranate in it.
I would hate it so much, if you put it in front of me I would stuff it down my trousers and walk away.
You see that? I wouldn’t want to eat that.
If I were that salad I wouldn’t wanna know that salad. Thank you for not bringing it into my life.