He’s going to shiver your timbers
He’s likely to buckle your swash
His pieces of eight count big numbers
His galleon’s full of his dosh
A roistering-doistering fighter
His enemies all have been sank
He’ll make your pockets feel lighter
Just before you walk the plank
It’s not like he wants to be Bluebeard
It’s a lifestyle that he just got trapped in
His parrot got fed up, his crew’s weird
He’s Ian the daft Pirate Captain
24 comments on “Pirate alert”
What I like about this is that it’s entirely about me, and there’s not enough me on this website anymore. Can we up the ‘me’ please?
More you? MORE you? You’ve already had a pirate poem and a stack of book covers this month. I feel like I’ve thought about nobody else since September. I think you need to check your chude.
Is is wrong to want more? Is it bad to expect more?
No wait, we’ve already done this bit. It’s a bit Pete Too Soon for anymore Moore, whether by Patrick, Roger or any others.
Still, there’s no harm in having my viso/volto plastered over the website. I am, after all, the poster child for Pouring Beans.
Are you? That might be why nobody visits apart from us. We should have a nicer looking poster child. What about Sarah? If it was Sarah on the posters, people might think this was a respectable website run by normal people.
I don’t think Sarah would agree to put her face to this nonsense. Especially as she doesn’t really ‘do’ the internet. She doesn’t have a facebook, twitter, myspace or even a geocities account.
That’s a shame. Who else is respectable? What about Dave Benson Philips. Let’s put him on the posters.
Or Gary Wilmot?
Either of those stunning suggestions would be fine.
Does Sarah have a Myspace page? A Yahoo chat name? Does she have an Access card and a beeper?
Is Gary Wilmot respectable? I’m afraid I don’t know who he is.
Wilmers is more respectable than Mel and Kim singing Aretha Franklin through a pipe (or piple as I typed) laden with the word ‘respect’ through it, like a stick of rock.
You can’t sing through a stick of rock. It’s full of letters so there’s no room for the singing.
Which is why old ‘ Wilmers’ is more respectable than it.
I’ll have to take your word for that… because I’ve never heard of him.
You have heard of him. In fact he baptised you back in ’84. Then he shook your hand as you left primary school and gave you a high five as you left the exam hall in 2002.
Did he? I don’t think he did. I’d remember him, and I don’t remember him. In fact, as I think I mentioned earlier, I’ve never heard of him.
Whatever Wilmot face mask or visor you’re wearing you need to take it off, and embrace the Wilmingtons. He’s always been there for you.
Where? He’s not here. Whoever he is.
He’s always there… for you.
That is a good invention.
It’d be better if you taped a squirrel to it.
I’m sure that can be done. Maestro please?
What? You want my debit card?
Yes. Hand me your card so I can go out and buy several hundred pounds worth of things that I won’t remove from their packaging and won’t let you lick.
That’s not a good invention. I’m out.