You know what? It’s been far too long since I’ve annoyed everyone with my huge stack of tat and as it is overdue, and I still have a quota to make up, let’s take a look at what I have been throwing my money away on. Take a gander at this juicy goosey:
In the top left-hand corner we have the original gameboy classic ‘The Legend of Zelda: Link’s Awakening’. I didn’t buy purchase this recently, this is merely to amplify the ridiculousness of it all. I bought this in 1994/5, I opened it, played it and loved it like one man can love some plastic on a tiny grey and green screen.
The one next to it with the nifty black cover is the deluxe edition released some years later. I acquired one of these because I needed it to help finish my collection. It’s pretty much the same game but with some extra bits thrown in and parts of it in (very limited) colour. I haven’t played this one yet. I should also mention that I have a digital copy of the game downloaded to one of my 3DS consoles, which I have played through.
In the same month I bought the deluxe edition I also bought the two below it, which are the remastered, re-imagined, re-done whatever you will for the Nintendo Switch. It is exactly the same game albeit with fancy graphics and souped up music. I finished it in under five hours because I have the game committed to memory. So you can really feel the punch I bought the standard edition and the limited edition version, the latter of which I haven’t opened yet and probably won’t do. You know, because that’s me through and through. I bought them on the date they were released at full price.
So now I own (including the digital one) five copies of the same game, one of which may stay in its house forever and one which I won’t bother using because I have it downloaded ready to play whenever I want.
Oh and look, I got a free cleaning cloth for buying the limited edition boxed copy. That was well worth the money. I’m also keeping the cleaning cloth sealed.
18 comments on “Pointless Purchase of the Month”
You have a problem.
You need to get help with that problem.
This example is a grade ‘A’ symptom of your problem.
You should not be proud of your symptoms.
(Zelda is shit)
I agree that you have a problem. Next time I come to Newcastle I’m going to find all this stuff, and open it, and then scuff up the corners of the boxes.
Are you going to lick them too?
I’m going to borrow a dog and let the dog chew them all up.
After I’ve licked them.
Perhaps we could leave one on a doorstop like a lazy postman on a rainy day and wait for the booklet to do that odd wavy paper thing they do when they get a bit damp?
But if you take it out of its house it won’t look at nice.
You need to keep those babies wrapped in lovely plastic. Forever.
Cellophane is not a house. It’s a suffocating prison. These “babies” need to be set free, and I am the man to carelessly do it using scissors and my teeth.
That’s all wrong. If you take them out of their house they get angry and you feel very sad. Then they feel sad. It’s a big Jenga stack of dishappiness.
I won’t feel sad. I’ll feel triumphant and a bit silly.
You need to put down your pampers of champers and stay away from my unopened everything. I’ll tell Big Frank if you do.
Big Frank’s coming with us. He said he’d drive.
He also asked if we could put some of your unopened stuff in front of the car so he could drive over it.
He would never say that. Stop putting words in his mouth and shut your front cupboard!
Also, look at all MY THINGS that will never be used!
You take a good look at those THINGS that will never be used! They look nicer now while they don’t yet have tyre tracks on them.
You’re cruisin’ for a bellin’ I’m telling you.
Keep your sweaty pork bauble paws to yourself.
Can I just check whether you’ve binned any of the tat in this photograph yet?
No, in fact I considered buying a second limited edition version for another £69.99 just to spite you but I did not. It’s still there though, hanging around, waiting to be purchased. I might buy it and then film me not opening it as a birthday gift for you.
I think you should do that. And then I think I should visit your new flat and poke a hole in it with my middle finger.