It’s been a long time coming and the tension is almost too much to bear. A couple of months ago, we asked the Beans Massive to tell us what a Llandudno seagull was thinking back in May 2017 when he was photographed thusly.
It’s taken a while to select a winner, principally because of the difficulty of locating this exact seagull and then establishing a way of communicating a question about its internal thought processes from nearly two years ago that it could understand, and then interpreting its answer. It has also proven a bit tricky to get it to select a prize.
Not to worry. A large team of ethnobiologists at Bangor University have been working day and night to build a rudimentary working knowledge of seagull vocabulary so that the exchange of ideas is possible. Here’s the seagull’s own account of what it was thinking that day:
“I was watching half a portion of fish and chips that had been dropped on the pier just below me and wondering whether to have some for lunch when I saw my mate, Seagull Kev, on the railings nearby. I knew he hadn’t actually had lunch yet, because he’d been helping his brother Seagull Clive with some repairs to his nest, so I squawked that he should have it and I’d grab some chips off a pensioner later. Well, as soon as I’d done that, a crowd of McIvers – that’s what we seagulls usually call pigeons – landed near the dropped food and headed that way. So at the exact moment you pictured me, I was just thinking that Seagull Kev would need to hurry up if he was going to get there before the fish and chips were surrounded by the McIvers – I mean pigeons – and he missed out.”
Seagull
Our thanks to Bangor University’s avian linguistics team for helping to interpret that.
So the result is now clear and, to everyone’s astonishment, this is the winning entry:
That makes me the winner, and I have to say I’m delighted. I have won this prize, which was selected by the seagull when it was briefly released inside a branch of Iceland.
Thank you to everyone who took part. I hope you enjoyed playing as much as I did.
21 comments on “Seagull Competition: Results”
I am most MOST displeased by this outcome.
We can’t all be winners. What matters here is that the result was the right one, and I think we can all agree that it was.
I don’t know, there is something that is not quite right about this result.
Was the result decided by an independent adjudicator?
It was decided by an independent seagull. That’s even better.
I’m gonna need to see some more information and some credentials. I mean if you can produce something as official as the certificate you had for your penthouse then that would be fine.
This all seems very suspicious to me. I mean, you did a good job of contriving a seagull based answer from what was clearly a post telling me to get on with posting answers, but its fishy nonetheless.
Can someone ring the dad joke bell? I expect Kev only came out of hiding to crack off a fish zinger.
The thing about his fish zinger is that it is fishy, and that’s how you can tell it’s legitimate. Anything that’s been involved with a seagull will be a bit fishy. The fishy smell is the smell of authenticity.
I also feel as though you’re trying to turn our attention away from something but I’m not entirely sure…
I don’t know what you’re talking about. As the winner of this competition, I have nothing to prove. Take me at face value.
Your face does have a lot of value, that has been proven in the past. How much value when comparing the London to Newcastle pounds though is up for debate. I haven’t checked the conversion rate recently.
My face is extremely valuable. I once took it into a bank and tried to exchange it for cash and they refused. I had no choice but to laugh at them. The only explanation is that the bank didn’t have enough cash on the premises to pay for it.
The downside, of course, is that my face is at constant risk of being stolen.
I once heard a rumour that you’d insured your face for ‘all the tea in China’. Is that true and, if so, how much tea is in China?
No, that rumour isn’t true. I tried, but again, they said no. More fool them, I say. I can only assume the amount of tea in China is large, but not large enough to be as valuable as my exceedingly pricey v/v.
All that tea in China couldn’t compete with how much your viso/volto is worth. I mean J-Lo may have insured her earlobes or her nostrils for millions in the late 1990’s but that’s nothing compared to you.
I reckon J-Lo’s vi/vo is worth, at best, at BEST, all the tea in Belgium.
What’s yours worth?
Mine is worth a beer and a burger at your local Wetherspoons.
No no, make that a soft drink and a burger.
Same price, isn’t it? Your face is worth the burger and a drink deal at Spoons. That’s good. Does it also mean your face is served on one of those elaborately-patterned blue and white plates that’s always slightly greasy even though it should be clean?
Nah mate, the soft drink option is slightly cheaper.
My face has been known to be served that way, although sometimes it can appear on a slightly soiled bowl that hasn’t been washed properly.
Well, for what it’s worth mate, I think your face is worth the Spoons burger and a pint deal, mate. #matesquared