I am knee-deep in the middle of lots of boring house chores. This is my first time on the house purchase bandwagon so whilst I have had some experience painting, decorating and very basic DIY from living in my flat, there’s still a lot that I don’t know.
That’s fine, nobody comes into the world with a drill and the ability to rewire a kitchen. I do what I can and accept help from others when it’s necessary to do so. What I am learning though is that wallpaper is a pain in the arse and should never ever be considered.
Why’s that? What’s so wrong with wallpaper I hear you ask? It looks great when it’s on the wall but flip reverse that sandwich and consider when taking it off. Vikki used the wallpaper remover which turned the room into a sauna from all the heat. Even then, you still have to scrap it off. Once that’s done you have to prepare the walls because you can’t paint over that. This is where the big scandal comes in.
Sugar soap is awful. It’s useless. I think personally it’s the biggest con. You spray or wipe this gunk on the wall to help remove the old wallpaper paste and clean the wall so you don’t have ugly bumpy bits when painting. That all makes perfect sense. You know what’s actually doing all the work though? A combination of the warm water, the sponge / scouring pad and my fucking arm. It’s got nothing to do with the bright yellow liquid we’re forking out 3 to 4 quid a pop on. I had one of those squirty bottle versions and it was three quarters done on one bedroom. The label itself says to, “use liberally”; no doubt to send whatever poor sucker who purchased it back to the shop to buy more of it.
I am never, ever using wallpaper. I have made this decision based on scrubbing eight walls in two rooms and not seeing any difference. Wallpaper can get to fuck. Sugar soap can get to fuck.
Old man rant done. Over and out.
11 comments on “Shake your fist harder, boy!”
Can I just shock you? In all of my house travails, I’ve never used sugar soap. The only wallpaper I’ve ever removed has been with normal soapy water and one of those little metal spatula things. But I’m glad I could be here for you in your moment of need, assuming your moment of need is still ongoing several days later.
My moment of need has transmogrified into a lifetime. I never want anything to do with wallpaper ever again so your half-arsed attempts at “being there” ring true. “Thanks” mate.
“You” are “welcome”.
We had no wallpaper to remove in our house, but we are planning to put some up soon. Please feel free to take this as a personal insult, which it wasn’t when we decided to do it, but now looks like one anyway.
Your insults will be the death of me. To think that you waited until I developed this intense loathing of wallpaper before deciding to do some in your house. Sometimes I literally can’t even with you.
I did. I did all of that in a malicious and premeditated way. I did it years ago, because I think we bought the wallpaper literally two years ago, and waited for this day.
Now that this day is here, I’m happy, obviously, but also not sure what to do with the rest of my life. So it’s a mixed bag.
Some kind of quince stall? Selling quince to strangers at a farmer’s market?
No wait, you botched that when you knocked the tree down.
Perhaps you could set up a stall selling tax disc holders for people to put small works of art in. That sounds like a solid idea.
That sounds like a good idea when you say it to yourself quietly in a corner, possibly whilst eating a meringue. I’m not sure the world is quite ready for such a radical idea.
Best set up a twitter account and then see what happens.
There’s another zinger! Bet he finds that one though.
Nah would need to be a BlueSky account these days. Unless they were racist artworks, then Twitter would be fine.