After last year’s expedition to Finland, in order to drum up some of our European cousin’s interest in the Beans, I decided that a further visit should be arranged in order to follow up some of the key points of interest. Indeed, some might say it was quite reckless of me to fly out to somewhere I had never been before, without any financial contribution from the kitty, with barely enough coppers to rub together to warm a vole’s index finger with, and so on. To those some what I offer is a non-sensical response, scatted with expletives and a rude drawing done on the back of a napkin.
Anyway, the main point of this was to explain my most recent discovery.
It seems as though our exports are doing much better than we believed them to be. Even though they are quite clearly blatant knock-offs, Smidge Manly has been seen promoting and advertising a wide variety of different items and services. His face has been adorned plugs for veterinary clinics, hedgehog windmills, fussy hooting clocks and even plugs. His viso/volto can be seen cheering on cyclists at the Toot De La Monge in July, handing out beef jerky to tourists by the Fleecox Bantymudge and even yelling for encores at the most recent Scanty Fox Cubs tour dates.
This has been my favourite so far:
Not only are these posters on most of the abandoned buildings in Ivalo in Finland’s town centre but some people have taken to stealing the unblemished copies, framing them and proudly displaying them in their living rooms. An unmitigated honour you’ll no doubt agree. The company even hired a sound-a-like for rolling radio adverts, mostly in broken English, to be wielded about the general public’s ears for the best part of the working week.
If this carries on, who knows? The real Smidge Manly may even be asked to advertise actual real life living things. He could become a local celebrity and have his own midnight questions and answers show. He may even get his certified gold double LP ‘Double Bugger: A Selection of Manly’s Musical Mutterings’ covers album into the European charts.
The word on the street is ‘pumpernickel’.
24 comments on “Smidge-tastic Advert Break”
This is great news. I assume vast amounts of cash are rolling in to the Pouring Beans vaults and that I will be paid a massive amount of money very soon.
Please confirm that this is the case.
Any unauthorised use of his face comes with Nay to the nonny and back to the no Nay coppers. I’ve got our lawyers working night and day to try to squeeze some money from somewhere. Maybe Universal Studios.
I am saddened by this news, and will be looking gloomily out of the window if you need me.
I know, I know. I KNOW.
Smidge was hoping to use some of his net gain in order to fund his canal / river documentary. It was either that or Kickstarter.
Right. Now Then. Whats all this fuss and bother. I don’t even bloody like coconuts, an’ our Marge is allergic to nuts so she’d never have any of this stuff in’t house.
There’s as much character development in that one comment as in two entire programmes.
Shall I get the camera? Start taking notes?
‘Ere, Are you trying to say I’m some sort of 1 Dimensional character with a striking resemblance to John Shuttleworth?
No that’s not right, Smidge. You reply with, “Right, so what you’re saying is…”
No. I’m not saying that at all, because to admit that would mean we’d have to stop making new Smidge Manly programmes, and that is UNTHINKABLE.
Okay then…
Wait, what?
Right, I’m not sure I’ve ever said ‘so what you’re saying is’ I thought that was your thing.
More programs starring me. That’s what the world needs. When are you booking the boat trip?
I’ll get on to your agent this weekend.
If you mean, fnaw fnaw, that you’re climbing his agent, fnaw fnaw, make sure you always have three points of contact.
No, that is not what I mean. I wish you wouldn’t interrupt the very serious conversations on this businesslike website with your tomfoolery.
Whatever, Grandad. Go take your filthy paws elsewhere. I’m totally dippy fresh.
I like dippy eggs but I don’t think I’m familiar with dippy fresh. Can you dunk toast soldiers in it?
Dippy fresh is a way of life, not something you eat. You need a fresh ‘chude.
Can you dunk toasty soldiers in a fresh chude?
I’m confused.
Shall I send you a leaflet? Would that help?
What’s the difference between a leaflet and a pamphlet, and why does the latter almost sound like Pampers?
I think a pamphlet is made up of more than one sheet of paper, while a leaflet is a single sheet that is sometimes folded.
#factualresponse
Thank you. And why does pamphlet sound like Pampers?
They share the same word root, the ancient Arameic word “pamplos”, meaning a sheaf of papyrus that had been discarded and had no value. Pamplos were commonly used as toilet roll.
What I’ve lost in time I’ve gained in general knowledge. Penny Vincenzi!