Minutes of the initial scoping meeting for the recently proposed “Best of the Papples” album project, held at Pouring Beans Records Inc. head office, as recorded on a tiny piece of kitchen roll.
Present: I. Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver (band member); C. Numbers (band member); K. Menendez (A&R executive); Nizzle (producer); E. Lou (Papples Fan Club representative); N. Wolfwood (attorney at law to Mr. Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver).
Shortlist of tracks for inclusion
There was some disagreement about the overall duration of a greatest hits album and the number of tracks it might contain. Mr. Numbers suggested there should be at least one (1) new track to ensure the fans bought the compilation. Mr. Menendez counselled strongly against the creation of any new “cover versions”.
The following list was approved as an initial selection from which an album could be created; a second pass of the list resulted in some receiving a star (*) indicating the most strongly preferred tracks.
- Beans (Methane Remix) *
- Dog Song *
- Better than a B Side *
- Beefy Tears
- Ass Pumping Gas *
- The Only Problem Is You *
- Dubsteppin’ (Over the Border)
- Lion Chorus *
- Pod Ice *
- Singin’ at the Back of the Queue *
- Mincey Beef
- Dancin’ With My Truss On *
- Dirty Chips *
- Sexatronic *
- Captain’s Hat *
- Dirty Work *
- You Can’t Clean a Sieve *
- Ghosts in the Microwave *
- Kerfuffle
- Swamp Hospital *
It was suggested that, as well as a new composition, the compilation could include a second new track, which would be a version of an existing Papples song in the style of a Papples cover version. This suggestion met with broad approval within the band, but Mr. Menendez requested that the minutes should record his strong dissent.
Possible titles
A number of possible titles for the compilation were suggested, though none were chosen. These included:
- One Good Track
- What’s a Good Name for a Greatest Hits Album?
- Title of Album
- Milking the Fans
- Pulling a Fast One
- Stretching the Truth
Any other business
The phrase “fuzzy fun chemist” was appended to the draft minutes for no discernible reason.
Action points
None.
Meeting adjourned.
21 comments on “The Best of the Papples”
Was I the fuzzy fun chemist? I can’t remember. I do remember though that this ‘best of’ has been bubbling over now for many years, practically the day after we recorded the last album.
It has. This and the Christmas EP. There’s still going to be a Christmas EP.
If we keep threatening people with a Christmas EP then we’re sure to get an ASBO.
I’m so up for that. I’ll wear my asbo with pride. Maybe we can write our lead Christmas single about getting an asbo.
(we’re so on the ball, we’re cracking off comments like they were “Hill Zingers”)
Now that you mention it, Christmas Asbo does have a nice ring to it. I think that could work.
Hill Zingers. That’s another track. We just need a Christmas cover version and it’s in the bag.
It’s like Mozart always said: start with the title.
Why don’t we cover Christmas is f**king Awesome by Reuben? Everything’s Gonna be Cool this Christmas by Eels? Anything is better than Slade.
How about a cover of one of Mahalia’s Christmas bangers?
That THAT, no wait, you YOU, right, you have a knack for smashing ideas.
We will hit that baby right out of the park with one of Mahalia’s in our limestone Christmas pocket (what?).
Can I reiterate my dislike for midi-based cover versions.
A Christmas EP definitely needs to be a thing. When it gets to the 1st of December and I have to pack away all music that doesn’t contain sleigh bells, it would be nice to still have a Papples option on the table.
You can, of course. It may not make a great deal of difference but you definitely can.
No you can’t, Kev, you’ll have them and love them like everyone else.
(My Day was better than Your Day)
Do you think we have time to crack off an EP over the next two months?
We can certainly try. Where would be the best EP writing/recording venue? Should I be looking at dates for a Newcastle jaunt or shall I put the spare sheets on the sofa?
Ahh the glamorous lifestyle of rock stars
*stares wistfully out the window*
The chances of me high-tailing (?) it to Brumblewick, or Royskopp, or wherever it is you live these days, is unlikely I’m afraid. It’ll have to be done “on the road” i.e. in Leeds.
We’re so glamorous, I eat all my meals in a mug.
Brumblewick, yeah. That’s where I live. Above the Brumblewick Bed Warehouse.
Yeah, you and your posh Brumblewick Bed Warehouse. You sicken me with your posh knobs and your broom handles (what?).
I’ve got the poshest knobs in the biz, that’s well known. Let it never be said that my knob’s common. (Wheeeeeeeey! What?)
Your knob’s common. (Wheeeeeeeey! What?)
Chris and his Common Knob?
Mr Smith and the Common Knob?
Como-knob?
I wanted that NEVER to be said. Now my knob’s sad.
(Wheeeeeeeey! What?)