Due to the relentless, phenomenal demand, not seen on this scale since the Papples last arena tour, I have decided to provide a face update so that everyone can finally see exactly how many pairs of eyes I have.
Your average human being will be quite satisfied with one pair, consisting of exactly two eyes. That, I am afraid, was not good enough for me. Settling for only two would be a joke as far as I am concerned so the boys in the lab took time out of their busy lunch breaks to knock up some spares which I have secreted about my person and only now reveal for your viewing pleasure (dad joke, strike the bell):
- Original Eyes – the ones that I was blessed with upon my birth.
- Viewing Eyes – the ones used to viewing things up close.
- Peering Eyes – the ones used for peering at items from a distance.
- Seeing Eyes – the ones where you really want to see more than normal.
- Glimpsing Eyes – for when you don’t have time to take a good, firm look.
- Spotting Eyes – a back up for when my peering eyes aren’t working.
- Looking Eyes – for when you do have time to take a good, firm look.
It does require an awful lot of upper body strength to carry this many pairs of eyes with me at all times, yet I feel as though it is the best move. However you use your eyes no doubt there will come a time when you need an extra pair, and I always have at least seven spare pairs (bears) on me.
I am also very excited when the Perception Eyes (June 2017) and Notice Eyes (November 2017) will be available.
15 comments on “The Face Update – All of my Eyes”
You look different. Has your chin grown?
It has yeah, thank you for noticing. I’ve been eating a lot more chin-heavy food products which, I feel, has had a positive effect on my feace.
I’m not sure nature is ready for this level of ocular augmentation.
Has anybody else commented on the fact that your neck eyes look like tiny breasts?
Yes they have. I’ve had 27,000 letters about that very point since I made the original post.
I saw Ocular Augmentation in 2015 after they released their first EP. They were a bit up themselves.
I had noticed Ian’s neckboobs when he first had them fitted but I decided not to say anything. Little did I know they were Seeing me all along.
You’ve heard of the face ass. Now witness the neck boobs!
Let’s face it, this is the logical next step from the well-established bum chin and bollock neck.
Can we all spare a moment for the memory of Bum Chin Bollock Neck Magee please.
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Thank you.
We miss her greatly, but at least she’s not alone since she was joined in Graffiti Heaven by Sexatronic.
All the greats made it to Graffiti Heaven.
Can we all spare a moment for the memory of Sexatronic please.
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Thank you.
So many silences. Are you just trying to shut me up?
You know me; if I wanted to do that I would have been much more direct.
I woulda told ya to shut yo front cupboard. Close the grill. Unopen the vestibule.
I think “unopen the vestibule” might be my new favourite phrase. I can be pretty sure about that now I’ve spent 13 days considering it.
It’s right on the fashions if you ask me. And you didn’t ask me but I mentioned it anyway. That’s because I’ve got moxie.
You have. You’re one spunky chap, that’s for sure.