The people have spoken and…
“I demand a third water, beyond simply still or fizzy. Something else. Creamy water, maybe, or extra dry water. Something like that.”
… is what they said. Never let it be said that here at Pouringbeans we don’t give the people what they want. We do, we always do, and we give them it in spades. SPADES!
Without any more fuss, let me present to you, straight from the ever-busy laboratories of Kevindo Menendez…
Antimatter Water
In an interview with New Scientist, Menendnez said:
Antimatter Water was been produced at great expense to satisfy the urges of one egocentric numpty. However in the process we created something beautiful. Its impossible to drink, and if you mix it with normal water, they both disappear, so NEVER do that. EVER. It could cause some unknown science stuff… probably.
The article goes on to state that “In 1999, NASA gave a figure of $62.5 trillion per gram of antihydrogen” so we can only gasp in awe at the sheer cost of the singular glass of Antimatter Water that Menendez managed to create.
The glass of impossibly expensive anti-water will be presented to a Mr. C. Marshall, along side a selection of budget waters from Aldi, at an upcoming meeting to discuss the ludicrous installation of additional eyes to Mr. Marshall’s face.
21 comments on “The Third Kind of Water”
Wow. If that were me I would have kept all the money and poured out a glass of ink because they look pretty similar.
Speaking as one egocentric numpty, I’m very much looking forward to imbibing this new water very soon. My question is this: if it’s impossible to drink, how do I drink it? Since the point of it was for me to drink it.
Maybe you can eat it instead of drinking it, that would surely solve the problem.
Is there some kind of science, possibly a wrong kind of science, who may be able to offer some advice?
I wonder if Kev has left us a clue to the answers to all these questions in the way that he has weirdly indented all the text in the blog post.
If it’s one space over from where it should be, on the left-hand side. One Space LHS.
Is there a spacecraft with that name?
One Space LHS? Yes. I think Richard Branson owns it.
That’s what the answer is then. You need to steal the spaceship, go into space and then “drink” the fluid.
Do you think you’ll want many meetings in space?
Of course I will. Big Man can hold a meeting anywhere. I don’t need you ground-based chumps around, you can just dial in on the teleconferencing thing. Don’t tell me a modern spaceship hasn’t got a telepresence suite.
But you’re no longer Big Man. Unless you’re pretending to be on the side… ?
In space, there’s no gravity, so I expand to full size. (What?)
Hi, I’m back. Sorry, was busy doing the publicity circuit for AntiMat Water™ as its now been branded.
To answer your now somewhat old question, it is possible to drink it, but it will immediately zap any water in your body out of existance, so the choice is really yours. Some clever science boffins are now trying to work out if it can be used as a digestion aid for hangovers. Although we might need to invent AntiMat Alcohol™ first.
That being said, you never said you wanted to drink it, only have it there at a meeting.
I never did say that, did I? But now I definitely do.
I have a lot of thinking to do before I reach this meeting.
Can I decide what the meeting is about?
We’re only having the meeting because I don’t know Steven Martin. You never said what it was about, only that we had to have one. So: yes. I look forward to receiving the agenda in advance of the meeting.
Oh that meeting, sure yeah. Let me shuffle my papers and I’ll be right with you.
Thanks mate. Great meeting mate.
That’s okay mate. I’m here to help mate. We don’t want you going without your fruity water mate.
Is it fruity too? Kev didn’t say it was fruity. I was all set to mix it with some orange squash.
In my head, when I imagine it, there’s a lemon bobbing about in it…
A full on lemon.
#lemonfullon