Posts filed under 'Tragic'
(it’s not as interesting as it sounds, but it’s as weird as the Rachel Stevens dream)
So I’m walking past Glebelands field during the daytime (even though I live a hundred miles away now) and I noticed a Dalek running across the grass. Curious and when I look a bit closer I can see that he is putting up a huge tent. When this has reached full peak I go inside the tent and notice that the Daleks are selling porn; not Dalek porn but actual human porn. I browse briefly but realise I’m getting those looks from the ones behind the counter, sort of, “buy it or put it down idiot”, so I leave quickly before any tongues start a-wagging.
Later on I’m at me mam’s house and I hear a knock on the door. I open it and right at the end of the path I see an envelope leaning against the gate. This isn’t enough to interest me so I close the door, only to hear another knock. Upon opening it a second time the envelope has gone but I can see Marshall’s head sticking out from the wall to my left. This still isn’t enough to interest me so I close the door and hear a third knock. All that’s left is a small plastic box with a present inside and a futuristic device of holding information. I can’t remember what it looked like but I put the film on and it was sort of a video diary from Marshall about how he chose his Christmas presents and wrote his cards out… but in the style of ‘The Wonder Years’ where you hear his thoughts rather than speaking.
Then I woke up and there was a text from Marshall waiting on my phone. That put the sh*ts up me I can tell you.
December 17th, 2007
Just in case anyone is interested I seem to have stumbled across “the web’s original, biggest and most comprehensive site dedicated to UK actress Anna Friel.”
http://www.annafriel.net/
Look at the imaginative colour scheme! Bask at the informative links! And look, you can even purchase an off-line copy so you can peruse it when you’re not on the internet. I don’t know about you but I’m hooked!
*Sarcasm machine breaks from too much*
October 29th, 2007
Look at this shit right here. If you type ‘six wide’ into google images this picture comes up. It’s so proud of being six wide it’s described as being a six wide container. There’s also a six wide colour line truck.
If it were me, right, I wouldn’t wanna know me.
                
September 27th, 2007
Last night as I was rummaging (not a rum and cola rummage I must add) around for some music to listen to and what did I come across? Only the official O’Ffice CD, limited edition of four, that was handed out before we left school for good. I put it in and the memories came flooding back where I had a jolly good time, ahem:
“wasting My LIFE!”
It was when the shit remix of Tesla Coil came on that the tears started and they couldn’t be stopped. It made my current life look very six wide.
September 27th, 2007
As I’m sure you’re all aware, there’s been another round of flooding down south, which is tragic and very sad, and I genuinely feel sorry for people whose houses are now 5foot under water. However, its very hard to feel sorry for some people, and those people have names, CARAVANERS. Just look at this stupid bunch…
(click for big)
What were they thinking? I have an idea…
George: “Ooh, I know Mildred lits go away in the caravan this weekend”
Mildred: “Aren’t there severe flood warnings all over the country this weekend?”
George: “Yes dear, but we’ll be in the caravan, the Maurauder II Caravan Mk3 can take it”
Mildred: “If you say so dear…”
YOU STUPID BASTARDS.
July 23rd, 2007
So I get up, mid-afternoon, ready for a night shift tonight. I decide at about 4pm that it’s time to go out to Sainsbury’s for some bits and pieces I need. On my way downstairs I pick up some crap that needs taking to the bin and I take it down with me, put it all in the bin, and turn around to close the door.
I look at the front door. It has a yale lock and a normal key sort of lock. I think “the neighbours are away, so I should lock both of them”. I reach into my pocket. I find no keys.
Luckily, the door is still open. I run upstairs, shouting a long, slow-motion “NOOOOOOO!” as I do, and yes – just as I had feared – the door to my flat is locked and burglar-proof. I turn the handle anyway and try to push it open a few times. Sadly the lock on the other side of it has not mysteriously evaporated and the door does not open.
Because I was going out anyway I have my phone and my wallet with me. So I have just spent the last two hours – TWO, count ’em – getting a bus and a tube and another tube to Notting Hill Gate, walking ten minutes in the rain to where Friya works, getting her spare keys off her, walking some more in the rain, getting another tube, and another one, and another bus back home.
I will be getting spare keys cut and leaving them hidden in some cunning location.
(It could be worse. I could have left my phone behind, and the door downstairs could have been locked. Then I would have been trapped on the stairs with two bags of rubbish and no way to get help.)
July 19th, 2007
This post is all about how little I have to say at this time. I am writing it, nonetheless, because I want to write something and there hasn’t been a new article here for a long time. So I am typing this and even as I do so I barely know what the next word will be. So far I have managed to type it in one continuous stream but I fear that soon I will run dry and have to stop for a think.
That paragraph break bought me enough time to work out that I should tell you about the thunderstorm. There is a thunderstorm here, you see, and it’s quite loud.
In a bit I will have to go back to work. First, though, I would like all comments for this item to begin with the words “Actually, you can do that because”. For example, if you wanted to tell me how wonderful you found this item, you might write:
Actually, you can do that because although you had nothing to say, you did say it very well. Therefore the idea that you can’t just write a blog post about nothing is unfounded.
I have had enough blathering and I will stop typing…
HERE.
July 9th, 2007
Now here’s a curious little oddity.
I just typed ‘Roman Polanski’ into ebay and an item came up for only 99p. It’s a DVD and it’s brand new so it sounds like a good deal and the only downside is that the item is pick up only. It’s being sold from South Korea.
What makes the person think that anyone from the UK, using the UK version of ebay, will hop on a plane, go all the way across to South Korea just to hand over 99p (probably not in pennies) for a DVD?
Look at this link
I think this person is secretly trying to recruit members for some sort of tribute band to rival the other tribute bands and blow them away. You lure them in with cheap DVDs thousands of miles away and then, whoosh, suddenly you’re stood with a bass looking like that one from Def Leppard.
Never talk to strangers kids. Word out.
July 4th, 2007
Hello. Tonight (that’s Sunday night) I’m working a nightshift. But it’s not any ordinary nightshift, oh no. I’m doing some extra time so that I can get a Saturday off at short notice in a couple of weeks. So tonight I started work at 9.30pm and I will be finishing at 10am on Monday morning.
I’m not really looking forward to this, so I will be charting my escapades hour by hour on this very website, so that you can all revel in the dullness of my evening.
Continue Reading June 24th, 2007
How goes the repair of my beloved Daisy? Does she see life again? Can she walk through the meadows and fields like all those times in her beloved childhood?
I need answers. Also, due to a lack of funds, the third mission is delayed I’m afraid. It’s piss poor but I might be able to squeeze something out in the next week or so. Everybody sing the Klaxons!
June 13th, 2007
Next Posts
Previous Posts
(click for big)