Posts filed under 'Mr. Smudgey'
Hello, it is I, once again, sat on my loins in anticipation, waiting to tell the world once again how I am the most famous man on this planet at this very point in time. People ask me all the time if I ever get tired of being famous and to those people I say, “I don’t pay you to talk love I pay you to…” erm, fix my shower. Yes. That sounds like a good cover. Let’s take another walk down Smudgedy Lane (like Memory Lane but smudgified) and bask in my celebritism.
Point Number Three – being just out of show from Rembrandt’s famous painting ‘The Night Watch’.
 
I was having a shave in Doncy McGlagin’s Hair Emporium when the lads started shouting for us to come outside. I thought they were just gonna pour rancid tomatoes over my head like they did last year. It turns out there was some painter guy who happened to be passing and decided to do a picture. Clearly because I’m the most famous they wanted me in it but the temptation of having a huge knife removing tiny hairs from my face was too much and I had to pass. You can see Mick and John on the left pointing at me as they can just about make out my silouette in one of the nearby streetlamps. Colin at the front is trying to make the point that they should wait for me however nobody is listening. You can also just about make out Crumbalina who’s hiding behind Mick in the red on the left as she’s remembered she hasn’t paid back the three shillings I leant her to buy her house.
And I never got it back. You try and buy a house with that now I tell you. That makes a total of three now. I’ll be catching, taming and ramping that dragon of success before you can tell me that I’m ramping a dragon and I shouldn’t be because they have short tempers.
December 28th, 2007
Hello, my name is Mr Smudgey and I am here to prove to you and everyone else watching that I am the most famous man on the planet at this very point in time. It was close recently as there was a man who balanced bananas on his nose as he read Shakespeare to a bottle-nose dolphin in a telephone box but that was just a rumour. It is time for another reference point so you bask in my celebrity status.
Point Number Two – hiding in the background of the sleeve for the Eagles album ‘Hotel California’.
It’s a bit hard to make out in this but I’m climbing the third tree from the left. I was staying in the hotel across the road which was aptly named ‘Hotel Opposite’. In between my early morning sessions of fung shui and that weird sh*t people do on big lawns I thought it would be a good laugh to look for coconuts. It was only when I looked down to see some idiot with a camera that I panicked, let go of the trunk and fell to the ground. The picture, mfwah mfwah, doesn’t reveal the fact that I spent three months in traction because of it.
I denied all knowledge of this particular exposure because, well, the Eagles suck d*ck big time. I am on a quest for status though so I must lay these demons to rest and own up. Hey, I’ve done worse things.
November 27th, 2007
Hello, my name is Mr Smudgey and I am here to prove to you and everyone else watching that I am the most famous man on the planet at this very point in time. Wait… no it’s still me. Tom Cruise was close there. You may think you don’t know who I am but boy is that going to change. To prove my point I am going to show you all the various sources of my hidden exposure and bring them to the surface for everyone to see. That way I can be praised for the future A-lister I am.
Point Number One – referred to in the song ‘Mad World’ by Tears for Fears and then later sung by some burk in a flat cap.
“I find it kinda funny, I find it kinda sad,
 These dreams of Mr Smudgey are the best I ever had”
Hand over the royalties Roland whatsisface, I was clearly the inspiration for that song and without me it would have disappeared without a trace. People secretly bought it for the reference to me. Don’t bother with a cheque just leave a small suitcase outside my basement bedroom window, but make sure you don’t wake my parents up!
November 6th, 2007