Professions

March 1st, 2007

A colleague at work today has made the following comment,

“You’d make a great doorman Ian.”

Not, “thanks for holding the door Ian,” or “you’re such a gentleman Ian,” no no, it’s much better to say that I’m only good for holding open doors for other people.

So I’d like to ask what kind of profession YOU (as in you) think I (as in me) SHOULD be doing 🙂

Entry Filed under: Delicious,Ian

12 Comments

  • 1. Chris  |  March 1st, 2007 at 21:57

    Official citrus-fruit juicer to the Queen.

    This position used to just be the official lemon-squeezer but we live in a multicultural society these days, and the Head of the Royal Juicing Order must now prepare all the sovereign’s freshly-sourced juices from all citrus fruits, including limes and grapefruit. A varied and rewarding role.

  • 2. Kevil  |  March 2nd, 2007 at 12:28

    I think your official job title should be titilator-of-the-masses. you can define this as you wish, I cant……. grahhhhhaaaaghhghhh

  • 3. God  |  March 2nd, 2007 at 12:43

    I’M SORRY THIS MUST STOP… ALL OF IT!

    (side: what?, this isnt the Nazi appreciation society? no? bugger..)

    SORRY GUYS, CARRY ON AS YOU WERE.

    amen.

  • 4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  March 2nd, 2007 at 15:05

    Does that technically mean that I’m blessed?

  • 5. Brian Blessed  |  March 2nd, 2007 at 15:06

    BLESSED IN THE SAME WAY I AM M’BOY!

  • 6. Chris  |  March 4th, 2007 at 08:52

    I believe disgraced and illiterate Lord Jeffrey Archer is currently recruiting for a fan-waver. You would be in charge of holding giant palm leaves of varying sizes, and wafting Jeffo with them when he begins to overheat a little. This is of course a highly skilled post as you would be completely responsible for selecting a leaf size appropriate to the prevailing conditions of heat and humidity.

    PERFECT!

  • 7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  March 7th, 2007 at 12:47

    Sounds fine and dandy. Do I have to bring my own leaves or are they supplied?

    I have many a-leaf you see.

  • 8. Chris  |  March 8th, 2007 at 15:03

    Another one I saw in the paper this morning…

    Scottish Loch Keeper (£12 p/a). As the primary representative for Scotland’s many wee lochs, you will take sole responsibility for ensuring that they remain bonnie at all times. Lochs require oiling on a regular basis and from time to time you will also be required to use specialist tools to create new quays or make copies of existing ones. Lochs are vital to the security of Scotland’s tourist industry and as Lochsmith you will probably become a noted personality, appearing on low-rent Grampian TV chat shows.

    I think this sounds perfect, especially for someone as experienced as you are at doing… you know, stuff and that.

  • 9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  March 8th, 2007 at 21:39

    Fine and dandy like sour candy that sounds just up my street.

    Question though: do I personally wee in the lochs or is that someone else’s job? If I’m doing two people’s jobs though I want two people’s pay. I ain’t weeing for nothing you know.

  • 10. Mad Hatter  |  March 8th, 2007 at 21:39

    You and your urinary system.

  • 11. Chris  |  March 9th, 2007 at 23:27

    NO WEEING IN LOCHS! IT WOULD SIEZE UP THE MECHANISM! AND MAKE THE WATER TURN YELLOW!

    Plus it’s unhygienic.

  • 12. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  March 12th, 2007 at 10:01

    I was just getting the job specification right so I don’t embarass myself at the interview. Best put my novelty pants away then.

    *Puts the novelty pants away*

    No wonder I was getting weird looks in the street 🙂 a-hyuck!

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