Arse Prints

July 8th, 2008

In a desperate attempt to make some money in this bitter climate I have reached the lowest of the low. No, not telemarketing (“You know Susan, you would look good in this stunning summer blouse cum tin opener replacement made from unused leeks”). Although I think I would be good at it.

I have been making photocopies of my bottom and pretending that they belong to celebrities. The photocopier at work has never seen as much action! We have, for him, the George Clooney (tight and rugged), the Rowland Rivron (flabby but fun) and the Clint Eastwood (off the scale). For her we have the Angelina Jolie (sexy and soft), the Rosie O’Donnell (tugging at straws) and, ho ho ho, the Amy Winehouse (huge crack).

If anyone wants any signed copies please feel free to request them.

£50.00 + VAT.

Entry Filed under: Great,Ian,Loins,Things,Think about it

34 Comments

  • 1. Kevil  |  July 8th, 2008 at 12:38

    Oh dear…

  • 2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  July 8th, 2008 at 12:40

    How I scraped the bottom (pardon the pun) of the lowliest barrell ever?

  • 3. Chris  |  July 8th, 2008 at 13:11

    You’re so low that the bottom of the barrel has been scraped right through, and the scraper is now scratching away at the filth and dirt on the ground below it.

    Go wash your computer out with soapy water, you disgusting pervert.

  • 4. Inland Revenue  |  July 8th, 2008 at 15:48

    Excuse me Sir. Are You VAT Registered? Did you know it is a criminal offence to charge VAT when not registered.

    Please complete form 6.34125A in triplicate by 19:00 Thursday, else its off to the clink with you…

  • 5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  July 9th, 2008 at 08:25

    I think you’ll find that I am now registered as self-employed (not true), given my a*se-copying activities, and have even received the approval from several members of the Royal Family (not true).

    Gentlemen, you may try and sue me but you will not get anywhere. Laugh for me minion!

  • 6. Minion  |  July 9th, 2008 at 08:25

    Bwa!

  • 7. Inland Revenue  |  July 9th, 2008 at 08:47

    Damn you McIver!

    *shakes fist*

  • 8. The VAT Inspector  |  July 9th, 2008 at 15:02

    Dear Mr McIver,

    I am most interesting in your money making scheme/scam. I will come to visit you and take full details, and probably about £14,000 coz that’s what I calculate you owe in unpaid VAT. My calculator is not working so I have to add up in my head, which is a bit iffy sometimes, but I am usually right. I look forward to hearing from you in due course, with the dosh and stuff.

    Regards
    The VAT Inspector

  • 9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  July 9th, 2008 at 17:01

    Dear The VAT Inspector,

    Why you all up in my grill? Why yo melting ma cheeze? Yo biznitch, that’s faux shizzel. Word up.

    Regards
    Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver

  • 10. The Inland Revenue  |  July 10th, 2008 at 08:31

    Yo, The VAT Inspector, piss off man, this is my gig. You dont find me getting down with your client list do ya, huh? huh? huh?

  • 11. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  July 10th, 2008 at 09:02

    Who deserves to punish me more: the VAT inspector or the The Inland Revenue?

    There’s only one way to find out…

    FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!

  • 12. The VAT Inspector  |  July 10th, 2008 at 09:23

    Well I suggest scissors, paper, stone.

    And I know where McIver lives.

  • 13. The Inland Revenue  |  July 10th, 2008 at 09:58

    So do I…

    1…2…3…

  • 14. The VAT Inspector  |  July 10th, 2008 at 16:13

    Somehow I got an office shredder. That’s like scissors, but subject to VAT.

  • 15. The VAT Inspector  |  July 10th, 2008 at 16:22

    Excuse me, but I’m the VAT inspector, and I did not submit the previous comment. I am too busy researching psychos.

  • 16. Kevil  |  July 11th, 2008 at 09:18

    What the hell is going on here? Who invited the Inland Revenue and the VAT Man to the party?

  • 17. The real VAT Inspector  |  July 11th, 2008 at 19:39

    No, I submitted it, and I suggest you bow down pronto.

  • 18. IRS  |  July 11th, 2008 at 23:08

    Hello? Can I get a game?

  • 19. The real VAT Inspector  |  July 12th, 2008 at 14:18

    Sure! Let’s play ludo. (17.5% VAT applies)

  • 20. IRS  |  July 12th, 2008 at 22:37

    Okay, but I get to be the dog. You can be the shoe!

  • 21. DoWP  |  July 14th, 2008 at 10:57

    Can I be the car?

  • 22. IRS  |  July 14th, 2008 at 12:10

    Ooooooooo, well you see, erm, we decided not to play just this instant and therefore the game has been cancelled. Sorry. You’ll just have to leave and never come back I suppose…

    (so we can play in your absence, bwa!)

  • 23. DeFRA  |  July 14th, 2008 at 12:14

    What about Me?

  • 24. HMRC  |  July 14th, 2008 at 12:15

    ooh ooh ooh, me too!

  • 25. ABBA  |  July 14th, 2008 at 13:44

    Mamma Mia! Here we go again! My my, how could I resist you!

  • 26. BBC  |  July 14th, 2008 at 23:06

    This is London calling. Stop it, the lot of you, I’m real!

  • 27. NASA  |  July 15th, 2008 at 08:41

    Sorry London, you are overruled. Are we gonna get this game started or what?

  • 28. UB40  |  July 15th, 2008 at 09:34

    We’re all doomed!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • 29. INXS  |  July 15th, 2008 at 10:00

    Doooooooomed I tells ya.

  • 30. I-MAC  |  July 15th, 2008 at 12:47

    I’ve pretty much lost me job, has any of yous organisations gots a possibles jobs for mes like?

  • 31. Auds  |  July 15th, 2008 at 13:06

    You obviously don’t listen to anything I say. I am starting up a D3 Legal X-employee Factor Full Monty Troupe wots got talent and you have been offered a place. All you need is a posing pouch, £6.99 at Ann Summers. Apparently.

  • 32. I-MAC  |  July 16th, 2008 at 12:26

    That disturbs my robotic mind

  • 33. Chris  |  July 16th, 2008 at 22:06

    What? I go away for a few nanoyears and look what happens.

  • 34. I-MAC  |  July 17th, 2008 at 13:53

    Years, days, months, seconds, quadrameters… they’re all the same in this big ball of fluff

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