Newsboost Flash Scoop
April 1st, 2009
People are being put under increasing pressure to buy carbonated soft drinks, a recent study has revealed.
Men and women between the ages of 21 and 47 are having their co-workers, bosses and relative unknowns come up to them in the work place and force them to buy numerous canned beverages. The phenomena, known as ‘Can Bullying’, originated from the US but has found its way into UK via a series of carefully administrated plastic straws across the Atlantic.
George Loft, head of BIW (Bullying Is Wrong), has commented, “This is unacceptable, totally unacceptable. I myself have suffered ‘Can Bullying’ first hand and the immense pressure is truly frightening. People have to know that this is out there and it can affect you. The forty-eight year olds should be thanking their lucky stars.”
Victims have said that it will start off with a simple conversation but suddenly turns sour. The bully will then continue to repeat the same lines over and over again, usually asking whether the person would like a drink or not. They refuse to leave until the victim has given in and handed over the correct change for which the bully will then vacate the area and return with a cold infusion of some sort, mostly carbonated and made of vegtables.
Government Watchdogs have refused to comment, although they probably wouldn’t have told us anything anyway.
Entry Filed under: Loins
17 Comments
1. Chris | April 1st, 2009 at 11:17
It’s happened to me before. I thought it was just a normal conversation at work about whether flat soft drinks are a bit unsatisfying, and before I know it I’m being harassed. In the end I gave in and was forced to down a can of Tizer.
2. Auds | April 1st, 2009 at 12:00
I think this is a wind-up. Have you seen the date?
3. Kevil | April 1st, 2009 at 16:42
I only have 4 words to add:
“bee bop fruit shoot”
4. Richard Bees | April 1st, 2009 at 17:43
An excellent four words there, young man, however I don’t feel as though they convey the spirit of the momentum associated with this level of mass hysteria
5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | April 1st, 2009 at 17:45
Did you know that people are 12 times more likely to buy a drink if you ask them?
6. Kevil | April 2nd, 2009 at 09:25
Do you want to buy a drink?
7. Chris | April 2nd, 2009 at 14:28
Yes please!
…Wait a minute, I only wanted a drink a twelfth as much as this before you asked. What’s going on?
8. Kevil | April 2nd, 2009 at 15:47
Woo a sale! Ian…? Ian…? Ian? Wanna buy a drink?
9. Chris | April 5th, 2009 at 10:46
I haven’t got my drink yet! I’m so thirsty!
10. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | April 6th, 2009 at 17:14
I’ll take a drink yeah. What are my options?
11. Kevil | April 7th, 2009 at 08:23
Fizzy poop, or gurkin Fruit Shoot.
12. Chris | April 7th, 2009 at 15:32
Fizzy poop for me please. Here, take my money.
13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | April 7th, 2009 at 17:25
Don’t you mean Gherkun?
14. Kevil | April 9th, 2009 at 10:11
no
15. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | April 12th, 2009 at 20:36
What about Girkin? Timbers Lee loves them.
16. Chris | April 13th, 2009 at 18:54
Husting Flivverpap loves them too, but that doesn’t make them ethical or legal.
17. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | April 15th, 2009 at 08:05
Tim Birdsley also loves them, as does Timb Ersley.
But don’t get me started on Tim Buzzley.