Harvest Festival Fallout

October 20th, 2009

How appreciative are the elderley residents of the UK when they receive the traditional handouts during the Harvest Festival season? We were keen to find out. In order to do so we bugged senior citizen Arthur Bambo for thirteen hours when he went to the bathroom at York train station and these are the shocking results:

“What do we have here, right, lets start with the tins. There’s not even a label on that one, that’ll be interesting. Probably some weird meat or horrible shrunken vegetables in brine. Mmmm, lovely brine. I’d rather drink that than touch the veg. Okay, tin of carrots… five months out of date. Great. What the… cream of soup soup? Cream of what? Just soup? How can you… holy moley.”

Five minutes later.

“Wheat Bisks. Ha, that’s just Wheatbix but with a silly name. Such a rip off these days, why can’t they just come up with their own cereal instead of pawing off others? Wheat Bisks. What the hell is a bisk anyway? Probably just a spelling error. Oh oh here we go, now we’re into the quality items. Frozen ox feet, already dripping. Why didn’t anyone say there were frozen items at the bottom of the bag? I can’t eat these now, not that I would really want to if they were still frozen. That’s beside the point.”

Two minutes later.

“You have got to be kidding me. Stockings? Why… I bet they ran out of bags for men so they gave me a ladies one. Charming. Next I’ll find… yep, vanishing cream. Candles. Perfume? (pft… sniff sniff) that wouldn’t smell out of place in a cesspool… I best open a window… oh damn the key is in the other room… eugh, I… oh dear…”

The answer? Not very.

Entry Filed under: Ian,Noos Flash,Tragic