Wobbly Dog Rant
I want Wobbly Dog, I want Flat Kitty…
I want Wobbly Dog, I want Flat Kitty…
(Altogether now)
10 comments August 22nd, 2006
Archive for August, 2006
World exclusive
This picture is part of a feature for my geeky roads site that is in production and hasn’t been put online yet:
This makes it a world exclusive.
I was thinking today about what a limp concept a world exclusive is. It basically just means something new. Everything goes through a stage where only a few people have seen it before lots of other people do. At the moment, this post is a world exclusive to me.
Even better is the idea of a private performance (sometimes disguised as a private screening or a secret gig). I have a private performance world exclusive every time I have a piss. That specific whizz has never been seen anywhere in the world before and I am the only person who gets to see it.
If I was Pete Doherty people would queue round the block to see that.
This means two things as far as I can see:
- Virtually everything on Pouring Beans has been a world exclusive. We have been underselling ourselves.
- I am so glad I’m not Pete Doherty. When I take a leak I like to do so in private.
8 comments August 22nd, 2006
Locker Check – Number 29
Date: 18th August 2006
Time: 13:15
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (give or take)
Locker check successful. Still locked with possessions. Having previously been sent a pencil, a blue paperclip and an old Christmas card from Noony obsessionist Sarah Jolly it was unfortunate that the pencil was left at home and therefore will have to wait until the next visit. I placed the paperclip inbetween the red and the yellow for some witty banter with the Christmas card towards the back. I also left two elastic bands in an erotic position across the top of the two Baltic leaflets from a previous expedition. Left with no complications. The weather was shit and made my hair go crazy wild. Thought a lot about apples.
Random thought: The offer is still open for that game. Also, I think I need a pet. Lemons are good but what about the citric melancholia? Any recommendations?
8 comments August 18th, 2006
“red delicious”
This: 
 is apparently a Red Delicious apple.
I have 2 problems with this.
1: Its more maroon than red (picky I know)
2: More importantly, ITS NOT DELICIOUS! goddam
The sticker told me it was sweet and juicy. More lies.
Just thought you’d like to know.
PS: Buy Royal Gala Apples!
14 comments August 17th, 2006
I can’t taste
I can’t taste. I have a cold. I can barely smell anything therefore it’s crap when I try to eat something tasty. So I don’t try. I could be eating pillows for all I knew.
Is there anyway I can use this to my advantage? And is it counted as a super power?
7 comments August 17th, 2006
Look at this
It’s Kev next to his old car. It has nothing to do with this post.
Anyway, I’m so busy my arse is barely touching the ground between exciting occurences. And here’s where I fill you in, my lucky chums and chummettes.
Basically I have no idea where I’ll be working in two weeks’ time. I have one job offer waiting for a reply, I hear back from another interview in the next two days and I’m meeting a very important man who may (potentially) offer me a job on Wednesday.
In two weeks, will I still be doing boring stuff at the University of Leeds? Will I be responsible for trailers, jingles and station sound at BBC Radio Leeds? Will I be starting a new career in London with the BBC World Service? Or will I be sitting here, in this very chair, naked and scratching my meat and two veg with the handle of a wooden spoon?
Stay tuned to Pouring Beans for the answers!!!!!!!!!!!!
11 comments August 14th, 2006
Locker Check – Number 29
Date: 9th August 2006
Time: 13:35
Location: The Baltic, Gateshead (sort of)
Locker check successful. Still locked with possessions. Has been at least two weeks since my last visit and still untouched by human hands. Added two paperclips, one red and one yellow, in the right corner closest to the door. Left with no complications. Was serenaded by a man and his banjo playing a curious cover of ‘All I have to do is Dream’ by the Everley Brothers but sort of in a West Country accent. The weather was swift and breezy like my hair.
Random thought: Give me £100 to buy a rare game from America. You know you want to… or do you?
7 comments August 9th, 2006
Eating Malteasers
I managed to put 32 malteasers in my mouth at the same time. Stick that in your pipe and smoke it Jim!
4 comments August 8th, 2006