Wait for it… Wait for it….
BOOM!
12 comments March 27th, 2010
Archive for March, 2010
The Loss Of An Institution
It is with deep and sorrowful regret that I must inform the world of the imminent closure of Jerry Loinsford’s Loinsford Academy. Despite trying to struggle with modern times and the recession it has unfortunately taken its toll on one of life’s great survivors. Jerry Loinsford, owner, founder and discoverer of many hidden secrets that you and I will never know about, is trying to stay optimistic about the news.
“It’s a shame yes but the same thing happened in 1987 and we came back stronger than ever after that! It’s just at this point in time the Academy is no longer needed, and I fully accept that. One of these days though when you least expect it we will return, like a tidal wave to the face!”
He then picked himself up by the seat of his pants and left through a gap in the sky.
Each of the remaining students has had their fees returned along with a signed copy of Mr Loinsford’s latest collection of poetry entitled ‘Loinsfully Yours: In And Out Like A Rushed Job’. Copies have been trading on Ebay for up to seven days with no buyers.
16 comments March 26th, 2010
A Business Meeting With Chums
So, as it goes, that Geordies start and end sentences with the same words, I decided to call an emergency luncheon with two gentlemen to try and stop the slide of pouringbeans.com into obscurity.
“Mr Brek,” I shouted across the room, and immediately he saw who and what my purpose was, “over here,” I continued and then I added, “you div!” to which he burst into laughter like a raptor. When the tears had subsided we sat down and ordered two plates of coffee and half a bagel of juice. The morning was spiffing and all the more for it because it was breakfast. We engaged in idle banter whilst waiting for the third of our party to arrive and he did, as always, struggling to stand up with a girl on each arm. “Mr Charms,” I ordered like a whistle in a pantry, “over here,” and that is where I left my chant.
He stumbled up, rested his head on his hands and slurred nonsense for the next twenty minutes. We could always see through the facade – why bother? He’s clearly not what we’re looking for. Nonetheless his company was appreciated. When the cutlery was cleared away we had forgotten the reason for coming and said adieu in the nicest possible way that didn’t involve cider.
10 comments March 23rd, 2010
Foreign
I have been abroad and I am now back, having been places and seen things. Some of the things I saw, I took pictures of, like this happy lump of snow:
And this remarkably positive graffiti:
I am now at home again. Thus ends my tale. (Though I skipped the bit where I had a run in with the police and am saving it for my autobiography.)
13 comments March 17th, 2010