Newsboost Flume Zoom – Romance Isn’t Dead, It’s Lacking
March 8th, 2011
The results are in! Having investigated the state of love in the modern world for the last twenty or so years scientists from Hawaii have confirmed that there is significantly less romance in 2011 than there was fifty years ago.
“We measured a number of variables,” confirmed chief scientist Dondi Flabbergast, “including throbbing hearts, public displays of affection and the ratio of swoons to women and unfortunately what we discovered is not encouraging. There is at least 44% less romance in the world than there was fifty years around. That said though, fifty years ago was the summer of love and there’s no way anyone can compare with those sorts of statistics.”
Following the news Hollywood has increased the number of awful romantic comedies going into production by more than twice than what was expected. One MP from Doncaster is pushing for plans to introduce another Valentine’s Day in the middle of August, which of course outraged government back benchers. Several worried romantics in Florence, Italy have claimed to have discovered Casanova’s remains and are busy rubbling sensual oils and herbs into his bones to channel some good vibes although the timing has been criticised by most.
To make matters better, or worse depending on what foot you’ve been standing on, several factories around the UK have been creating artificial romance to be released into the wild. “It’s a relatively simple process,” stated Veronica Gronst, C.E.O. of Beating Arteries, one of the companies involved, “romance can be made from several base substances. We’re not at liberty to disclose that information but we can confirm they are all available in most homes and residences. Once they’ve been filtered and polished they are released through a small heart-shaped window in the top of the factory in the hope that they will find their way to men and women all around the world and bring them together.”
When queried as to whether there were any harmful gases contained in the aritficial romance the phone went dead.
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