L O I N S – the new reverse charge call phone service
June 22nd, 2006
Cheesy Kid: Help I’m stuck in the middle of nowhere and I have to call my lesbian mummy to come and pick me up. Those ruffians over there look vicious
*Vicious ruffians tense their fists and look mean*
Voiceover: Hey you kid, didn’t you know you don’t have to have money to make a phonecall?
Cheesy Kid: Isn’t that called stealing?
Voiceover: Don’t be silly Timmy, it’s the new reverse charge call phone service. LOINS!
Cheesy Kid: Loins?
Voiceover: Yes Loins. Simply dial the word Loins in the phone and…
Cheesy Kid: But there’s only numbers on these buttons. There are no letters.
Voiceover: Then find a phone with letters on it.
Cheesy Kid: This is the only phone for five miles. I checked on my GPS.
Voiceover: Then you’ll have to ask one of those vicious ruffians for their mobile.
Cheesy Kid: I could have told you that myself. Would you ask them for help, at night, being all vulnerable and alone like I am?
Voiceover: Well no.
Cheesy Kid: Exactly so really I’m screwed aren’t I?
Voiceover: Look, ABC are on button number 1, DEF are on…
Cheesy Kid: I don’t have time for your words and your headless bodyless nonsense I’ve gotta get out of this flying umbrella!
*Vicious ruffians start coming towards him*
Voiceover: Start praying Timmy, start praying!
Cheesy Kid: Must remember loins, must remember loins, must remember…
*Timmy gets creamed by the ruffians who steal his hat and use his shorts as a lunchbox*
Entry Filed under: Ian
7 Comments
1. Lizum | June 22nd, 2006 at 22:54
LOINS .. and thrusting loins .. loins loins loins …
2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | June 23rd, 2006 at 08:51
YES! That’s exactly what I was getting at 😀 thank god someone understands. It’s all about the loins 😀
3. Lizum | June 23rd, 2006 at 12:05
See i know about loins .. Im just THAT good 😛
4. Chris | June 23rd, 2006 at 12:17
I’m picturing an advert that features Holly Valance in a bikini thrusting her loins. For FIVE MINUTES. Then the screen goes black, and it just says “L.O.I.N.S.”
It’ll win awards, I’m telling you.
5. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | June 23rd, 2006 at 12:36
That would work so well… were it not for Holly Valance. I say we ditch her and go for Nora Batty of the Summer Wine. It’s so creepy it has to work.
Marshall, we’ve done something good here today!
6. Chris | June 23rd, 2006 at 16:26
Yes! And we can give away promotional gimmicks – saggy wrinkled tights with the LOINS logo! Ha-har!
7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | June 23rd, 2006 at 16:57
Now you’re thinking, that’s it, let the ideas flow don’t let them go. I see pencil sharpeners, I see set squares, I see old people sat on benches drinking tea with our logo on it. Well, my logo 😛