Saint King needs you!

April 17th, 2007

I, being Saint King, king of all the saints and their saintly behaviour, require other beings, whether sainty, kingly or not, to join me, the Saint King, in my quest. It’s a dangerous quest and one that requires the king of the saints, Saint King, to embark outside of his usual kingly responsibilities governing those lovely saints.

If you wish to join the Saint King please reply to this message.


 This is a stand-in for me by the way. I generally don’t have a moustache.

Entry Filed under: Delicious,Ian


  • 1. Kevil  |  April 17th, 2007 at 09:51

    I’m in. Do we get to slay foreigners?

  • 2. Chris  |  April 17th, 2007 at 13:17

    Will I get a badge?

  • 3. Saint King  |  April 17th, 2007 at 17:02

    Badges and foreigner slaying will be in large supply. Trust me gentlemen with the Saint King we won’t be doing things by halves. We do it all with fulls!

  • 4. Chris  |  April 19th, 2007 at 11:32

    I do enjoy a good full!
    Will we be slaying foreigners with the pin on the back of our badges or will we be equipped with weaponry? If so I’d like to request a pointy stick and a sachet of anthrax.

  • 5. Saint King  |  April 19th, 2007 at 13:02

    The Saint King has a full armoury chocked full of violent goodness. You can choose to attack with the pin if you like as it is mightier than the sword… sort of. Perhaps anthrax. Yes to the pointy stick mind. Everyone must be equipped with pointy sticks. It’s a given.

  • 6. Chris  |  April 19th, 2007 at 16:20

    I also have my own cannon, which I whittled from cedar twigs. I plan to bring it in its special rubber carry case.

  • 7. Saint King  |  April 20th, 2007 at 10:21

    The more the merrier. See if Kevin-head can bring along anything too. I can use my cloning machine to make copies and hand them out. Look at my mash tray!

  • 8. Chris  |  April 20th, 2007 at 12:43

    Mash trays? Is that like an oven tray so big and heavy that it mashes anyone unfortunate enough to be underneath it when it lands? I picked up a second-hand mash tray catapult from a little antique shop a few years ago and I’ve been waiting for a chance to use it. Should I bring that too?

    The thought occurs that I have a small private army of orange pixies who I found in my loft. I suspect they’d be glad to help out.

  • 9. Kevil  |  April 22nd, 2007 at 12:02

    I could bring along my army of minions who helped me to conquor Luxembourg last week, i think they’re still milling around somewhere waiting to get paid.

    Is there any news on what we’re actually going to be doing yet?

  • 10. Chris  |  April 22nd, 2007 at 22:15

    No, none, but I’m sure the mighty Saint King will let us know shortly.

    How do you pay your minions? I find it a real pain to sort out all their NI contributions.

  • 11. Saint King  |  April 23rd, 2007 at 07:09

    Thanks to a loophole we don’t pay any money towards the NI or any towards the general running of the country. Pay will be divided evenly between they, nay and sway. It’ll consist of an even layer of chunky jam spread over a farmhouse loaf of the tastiest white bread with…

    What’s this? It sounds like an M & S commercial… oh right…

    We get jewels.

  • 12. Kevil  |  April 24th, 2007 at 10:57

    I generally pay my minion in nuggets… gold if we can get it, but usually chicken. Jewels will do though.

  • 13. Chris  |  April 24th, 2007 at 19:28

    Yes, jewels can usually be traded for valuable bacon or sets of wall-mounted porcelain ducks.

  • 14. Saint King  |  April 25th, 2007 at 08:33

    Precisely. If you’d like I can forward the necessary documentation to you in the post and all you need to do is sign and return. Simple. Easy. Like turning on a tap.

    I have your addresses 😀

  • 15. Chris  |  April 25th, 2007 at 09:38

    Any word on the nature of our mission, o kingliest saint?

  • 16. Saint King  |  April 25th, 2007 at 12:22

    All the details will be enclosed don’t you worry m’boy >:) it’s the secretest and most urgentest of missions.

  • 17. Chris  |  April 25th, 2007 at 13:01

    Then I will be at my most preparedest.

  • 18. Saint King  |  April 27th, 2007 at 08:59

    Forms should be posted either today or tomorrow. Make sure you sign them properly >:) first mission to follow.

  • 19. Chris  |  May 2nd, 2007 at 00:01

    Postilised this very evenoon. Bojangles!

  • 20. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  May 2nd, 2007 at 07:04

    Secular bongoes!

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