Extendo-loins – a novel idea (retro)

September 25th, 2007

Mr. Cockall interviews tomorrows geniuses (using song)

Who are you? 

Gardy Guh-huh-de-ha

What’s the Idea?

Extendo-loins. It’s a way of extending your loins beyond the normal human capacity.

What is it?

In conjunction with a grant by Jerry Loinsford’s Academy, I have been working on stretching parts of the human body starting with the loins. The extendo-loins allows you to stretch them up to an additional one metre and with further research I believe they can go further.

What does it do?

When you’re getting down and funky on the dancefloor and you see a hot bitch shuffling by herself and you want to get her attention you can extend the extendo-loins. Not only will your sexual prowess increase ten-fold but it’ll show her that she’s the only hot bitch for you. If it worked in the seventies it’s bound to work now.

So what are you gonna do about it?

Nothing (!) Mr. Cockall, it’s all in my head >:)

Entry Filed under: Ian,Loins,Mr. Cockall's Loveliness

24 Comments

  • 1. Kevil  |  September 25th, 2007 at 09:37

    Do-bitty-doo… Buy pork bellies!

  • 2. Chris  |  September 25th, 2007 at 20:20

    I like my loins to remain stationary at all times.

  • 3. Chris  |  September 25th, 2007 at 20:21

    By the way, who stole all the beans at the top of the website? It’s different, and I fear change. There is a bad omen about this action and the demons of Gthor will trammel down the faithless by the next full moon, so sayeth the wise men.

  • 4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  September 26th, 2007 at 07:36

    I was wondering about said beans as well… having beans on toast is good, don’t get me wrong, but I’d prefer the all and out full frontal rather than a flash if you get what I mean.

    Stationary loins aren’t the way forward though Marshall.

  • 5. Chris  |  September 26th, 2007 at 11:16

    Full frontal beans are most certainly on my menu, every damn day.

    Those beans are sheer loin fuel.

  • 6. Kevil  |  September 26th, 2007 at 17:46

    I quite like it, but if you guys want it back, then so be it. it shall be done tomorrow. boom!

  • 7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  September 27th, 2007 at 08:31

    I like that boom, that boom is some groovy apple pastry shit right there!

  • 8. Chris  |  September 27th, 2007 at 14:04

    BOOM!

  • 9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  September 28th, 2007 at 08:36

    IT STILL HASNT CHANGED! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOUR FACE, HILL?

  • 10. Kevil  |  September 28th, 2007 at 09:22

    BLINGING!

  • 11. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  September 28th, 2007 at 12:07

    GREAT!

    IT’S BACK!

    FINE!

  • 12. Chris  |  September 28th, 2007 at 12:23

    YES

  • 13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  September 29th, 2007 at 08:58

    Shouty shouty!

    Now the world can continue to turn in its unrelenting focus and drive, how we scratch at the darkness in the hope of finding the answers to the questions that will find us the light

    (moment of philosophosising)

  • 14. Kevil  |  October 1st, 2007 at 09:28

    Then lets all get drunk and play ping pong!

  • 15. Chris  |  October 1st, 2007 at 11:31

    PINGYPONGY!

  • 16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  October 1st, 2007 at 13:00

    BINGY BONGY!

    (like the Simpsons quote there Hill)

  • 17. Chris  |  October 1st, 2007 at 16:02

    This thread is making no sense whatsoever.

    Congratulations everyone. And also:

    OOJY BOOJY BOO!

  • 18. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  October 1st, 2007 at 17:13

    That last one made me giggle with glee if such a thing were ever possible for a twenty-three year old man sat in a law firm at 17:14 by the clock on his computer that he’s been sitting at since about probably half past seven this morning and I decided not to write that like a clock I wrote that like I was writing because I thought it would confuse anyone who had come into this particular section by accident and therefore they would have to read to the very bottom for it to make sense and there’s a chance they’d have to go back to the beginning in the end and start again as that’s the way the cookie crumbles!

  • 19. Kevil  |  October 1st, 2007 at 17:50

    I’m not sure the roobarb will gesticulate the directions of Weetabix

  • 20. Chris  |  October 2nd, 2007 at 13:39

    A diverse range of investigative grapes have perused Ian’s last comment, formed a committee and produced a series of in-depth reports outlining their findings. They have concluded that it means nothing.

  • 21. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  October 2nd, 2007 at 22:46

    I knew it! I knew it and I was the first to admit it… but no-one was listening 🙁

    Sad panda

  • 22. Chris  |  October 2nd, 2007 at 23:22

    Lemons 🙁

  • 23. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  October 3rd, 2007 at 17:29

    If every lemon was as sad as the sad lemon, which they are, then the society of lemons would collapse, which it has.

    If only there were a happy lemon that would come and rescue them from the devestation…

  • 24. Kevil  |  October 3rd, 2007 at 22:08

    🙂

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