The Saint King’s Christmas Message
December 24th, 2007
Even though I, the Saint King, king of all the saints and all their saintly behaviour, have been banished from ‘da beans’ during the lockdown from the previous day I managed to sneak in and leave this videotaped message. This will continually play over and over again until someone locates the VCR hidden somewhere in this building.
Christmas is a time of destruction and devestation. What better way to fill your trousers than by investing in the new Saint King game? Available on all three formats of Amstrad, BBC Micro as well as Spectrum, the Saint King game has been described as ‘The Best Game Ever… to be released in the year 2007 that looks as though it should have been released 25 years ago’. Play all your favourite characters: Saint Abbo of Fleury, Saint Hugh of Lincoln, Saint John of Shanghai and San Fransisco and of course the big man himself. Give into temptation. Join the revolution. Play the game.
Tired with your usual hand cream? Bored with the lack of any imagination? Then let Saint Monica of Hippo lead you into the light. “Hand cream has been overlooked for far too long. With the Saint King’s, king of us saints and all our saintly behavious, new hand cream you will feel a million seal pups licking your fingers. It is a cream beyond creamy, so much so that a new word has been invented by the scientists who gave up their time to create such a product. This hand cream is smoothocreamarific. Available in all major shops now, but probably not until they open again as this is Christmas Eve. Get online and have delivered to your door personally by one of the saints themselves. KNOCK KNOCK. Oh, do I hear the sweet knock of Paulina of the Agonizing Heart of Jesus at my door?”
Lead. Lead sandwich… eat lead sandwiches… something chronic in your… when the animals came to me I was only a foot high… and then the snow storm blew my… in the middle of the night…
Even though I, the Saint King, king of all the saints and all their saintly behaviour, have been banished from ‘da beans’ during the lockdown from the previous day I managed to sneak in and leave this videotaped message…
Entry Filed under: Ian,Think about it
9 Comments
1. Chris | December 24th, 2007 at 07:56
Oh god, he’s back.
Can’t find the VCR to turn it off, but I’ve found an alternative solution. I pulled the plug out for the TV.
Bye, Saint Sham!
2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | December 24th, 2007 at 09:27
Come on now, Christmas is a time of giving. I think we should give the Saint King at least thirty seconds air time before pulling the plug!
3. Chris | December 24th, 2007 at 10:28
He had his time. When I came in here this morning it looked like it had been on all night.
Hey, McIver, looks like we’re the sad loners at work today!
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | December 26th, 2007 at 13:37
I know, how sad are we, not that I actually did any work on Christmas Eve. It was more a case of smoke, eat, walk to someone’s desk and have a chat, smoke, eat, sing some karaoke with the guy who inexplicably had sound on his computer, smoke, eat and then leave.
Great stuff.
5. Chris | December 26th, 2007 at 16:53
Ah well there you are then. I actually did work on Christmas Eve, and also on Christmas Day.
SEE? Some of us still have to earn a crust you know. Not like you northern millionaires, throwing your cash around and leaving others to do the hard work. Yeah.
6. Kevil | December 26th, 2007 at 19:22
This is clearly crazy. We may have to lock the doors harder than i thought! If the bimbling Saint Gimp can get in then ayone can get in, we’ll have all sorts of morons leaving video loops around the place!
7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | December 27th, 2007 at 08:46
Yeah, Northern millionaries, of course. That’s why sometimes I eat french bread and crisps for my lunch. Mmmm, lunch of champions that is 😛
I think it’d make life a WHOLE lot more interesting by leaving at least one window open to allow loonies to leave loops for our benefit. We could call it… Loonies Leave Loops!
8. Chris | December 28th, 2007 at 10:59
Lock the doors harder?
Did you only lock them gently last time?
9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | December 28th, 2007 at 16:25
I think he glistenly touched them with one caressing cheek before pulling a petticoat across it to stop the heathens from entering.