Silly Bint of the Month: Adele
February 11th, 2008
Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if they lead nowhere?
This is the question posed by up-and-coming much-hyped London-based soul-diva-to-be cliché-strewn Silly Bint, Adele, in one of her stupid songs. In it, she is asking a rhetorical question to do with some sort of nonsense about chasing pavements.
You see, I understand that, in this post-Amy Winehouse world, record companies are looking at the success of the drug-addled bint who we spurned and decked last month and are searching for more acts who sound like 60s motown/soul singers. I understand that once you have one thing that is a bit different and very successful, there will soon be many more copying the style.
Adele’s binthood is not based on that fact alone (though believe me, it contributes to it). No, what I object to is the fact that she has to be one of them. Her voice is bad. For gods sake, get some Lemsip down you love, your vocal chords are cracking up and at this rate you’ll lose your voice. That’s not nice to listen to. Her songs all sound like they’ve been factory-produced by a record company too, carefully designed to make that old-style-soul sound and way over-produced. I have had enough of this kind of shite filling the world with its meaningless noise. Chasing pavements? What is that, anyway?
This month I nearly selected Duffy, who is much the same, and who was in the same year as me at university. One of the key things that annoys me about her is that most of the people I went to uni with remember her, and I don’t think I met her. But her voice isn’t as annoying as Adele’s.
Also, why don’t these people have surnames? How are you supposed to look them up in the phone book? Mm, that’ll do for now. And relax.
Entry Filed under: Chris,Silly Bint of the Month,Tragic
18 Comments
1. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 11th, 2008 at 17:03
Adele is a poor man’s Alison Moyet, and that’s not a good thing to start with! Unless we’re talking about Yazoo which is a different story.
*hums the theme from ‘Don’t Go’, because it’s ace*
2. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 13th, 2008 at 12:11
I’m surprised we’ve all been so quiet about this one. Nobody else want to lay into the b*tch? I think Audrey likes her but only because she’s played on Radio 2.
3. Chris | February 15th, 2008 at 15:22
I’ve done my laying in. I’m equally gobsmacked by the tide of apathy that has overcome the Beans in recent days.
Where is everyone? 🙁
*lemons*
4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 15th, 2008 at 16:57
There are some very shy and depressed lemonage going on around here. Even you’ve been gone for the best part of a week. What’s that about? Are you and Kev ganging up on me?
5. Chris | February 15th, 2008 at 17:00
I was back home with the family from Tuesday to Thursday so I didn’t have much Beans time. But I’m back now, new and improved. Don’t know where Kev is. He just vanishes like this quite regularly.
*sad panda*
6. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 18th, 2008 at 07:37
He does, doesn’t he? Quite odd, maybe he’s grooming some exotic poodle somewhere and doesn’t want to own up to it. If the moneys good though I would.
Oh yeah and who the f*ck is this Duffy?
7. Chris | February 18th, 2008 at 08:03
She’s someone everyone else knew and I didn’t. She sings that song about begging you for MERCY MERCY MERCY that is so close to Dusty Springfield that I didn’t think it was new at all when I heard it. I spent three years in extreme proximity with her without ever actually being aware she existed.
8. Auds | February 18th, 2008 at 15:39
that song is sung by Duffy.
You never see Kev and Superman together, do you?
9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 18th, 2008 at 17:49
Oh yeah, that song yeah, I know which one you’re referring to Auds 😛
But you’re right, they’re never in the same room together. Then again me and Stephen Fry are never in the same room together either (someone at school said I looked like him once, don’t know where he was looking like).
10. Kevil | February 18th, 2008 at 22:52
I do dont I! I am however in the crappy land of Birmingham with work. Normal service should resume shortly.
11. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 19th, 2008 at 08:12
Give them a daily thrust in the mouth from me!
12. Auds | February 19th, 2008 at 13:42
Actually its not Duffy its David Jordan.
And lets face it, Birmingham needs all the help it can get from Superman.
13. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 20th, 2008 at 12:34
Superman is for chumps.
Everyone knows that Batman is the greatest!
14. Chris | February 21st, 2008 at 09:42
Birmingham? Sad panda. I feel your pain.
A week on Friday I’m off to a wedding in the West Midlands, for which I will be spending Friday night in a Travelodge in Walsall.
What did I do to deserve this?
15. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 22nd, 2008 at 09:02
I know what it is. Clearly there’s not enough thrusting going on down in London. You need to raise the loinal awareness of everyone by holding a tri-weekly seminar on how to thrust your loins.
It’s so that it hurts my annuals.
16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | February 24th, 2008 at 19:40
The more I see her face the worst it gets, and she didn’t deserve that Brit Award.
17. Gerry | March 8th, 2009 at 21:12
well
18. Gerry | March 8th, 2009 at 21:25
I suspect that your vitriolic comments with regard to “pavements” are engineered to satisfy and moderate -to a minor degree- a lack of talent in yourself.. Acebicity personnified?
Perhaps you would have similarly observed that Rod Stewart -in his younger days may have benefited by drinking copious amounts of “Benylin”(which he probably did, along with neat brandy), or that Bob Dylan should have worn lycra and platform shoes, not to mention have a shave before going onstage