Macked Off
January 23rd, 2009
And I thought drinking high levels of coffee and Redbull was a bad idea. This really takes every biscuit ever. In what can only be described as an act of stupidity I decided to buy one of those keyfinders that when you whistle beeps so you can find your keys. It’s a reasonable purchase, and it was for only £1.50 or so on Ebay. The thing though is that the little sh*tstain is so sensitive that you can do other things to set it off, some completely unintentional. So far I have discovered that the following makes it beep:
1. Turning on a tap
2. Audrey laughing
3. Reuben laughing
4. Reuben talking
5. Opening a drawer
6. The Bee Gees (from the next f*cking room!)
7. Coughing
8. Sneezing
Any sane person could take a few days or so of this but I shoved it in my drawer and every so often without wanting it to it would beep. I was therefore forced to accidentally hurl it down the stairs and watch it break into four separate pieces. Then I was forced (I really was) to stand on it and smash it into many more pieces to prevent the evil from ever escaping.
Oh and if anyone wants one I have a spare…
Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Ian,Rants,Shut up,Tragic
11 Comments
1. Chris | January 24th, 2009 at 11:26
I had one of those years ago. It came out of a Christmas cracker. I think it lasted about two days before I smashed it open to get the batteries out.
What a macking pile of mack.
2. Ian | January 26th, 2009 at 01:09
Why do we bother with these things? I know where my keys are anyway, they’re always in my back pocket, so what the chuff did I buy them for?
3. Chris | January 26th, 2009 at 11:04
My keys are either in my front left pocket, or my Homosexual Haversack, or on the little tray thing on top of my chest of drawers at home.
Just so you all know.
4. Kevil | January 26th, 2009 at 15:48
My keys could be anywhere, even now sat at my desk at work, I have no conscious idea where they are.
I do know though, that when I get to my car I’ll instinctively find them in whichever recepticle they were place this morning.
Ask me for them now though and I’m screwed. But i’d rather spend 5 minutes looking for them than stand here whilstling like some sort of demented parrot, in the hope they’d reply.
5. Ian | January 26th, 2009 at 21:05
So if I didn’t have my keys in my back pocket, and they were in someone else’s back pocket, but I had their keys instead
Well
Why would that happen?
6. Chris | January 26th, 2009 at 22:38
That might happen due to a bad case of the grand mal. Avoid it if possible.
7. Kevil | January 28th, 2009 at 09:20
It would end up in a catastrophic Net Loss for all involved.
8. Chris | January 29th, 2009 at 00:59
Legs and feet and beef are the answer.
What is the question?
9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver | January 29th, 2009 at 08:55
The question is either, “Whatcha’ want?” or, “You walked six hundred miles missing which parts of your body?”.
10. Chris | January 30th, 2009 at 15:26
And I would a-walk six hundred miles
And I would a-be missing my beef
Just to be the man who walked six hundred miles
Without his legs or fee-ee-eet.
11. Ian | February 1st, 2009 at 23:46
So it WAS the Proclaimers! I thought it was just an internet rumour.
Does anyone else think Frankie Boyle could be the missing third ginger twin of the Proclaimers?