New: Opti-Rotissomat

CII Ltd is proud to announce the release of its latest consumer innovation, the Opti-Rotissomat. Industry experts predict that by the end of 2007 no home will be complete without a CII Ltd Opti-Rotissomat and that they will be compulsory in most Western states by early 2009.

 

 

The CII Ltd Opti-Rotissomat is unique among other electro-static rotary appliance solutions, because it features a twin-cycle PSU permitting it to be used with both 240V and 115V power supplies.

Its stylish grey rubber oscillaturner is comfort-moulded and is spring mounted on the titanium camshaft, giving you the ultimate in feel and texture while using the device. It will not slip or grate in wet weather conditions like many other belt-driven competitors.

The Opti-Rotissomat comes in three colours – amber, puce and leopardskin – and for a limited time only comes with a free suede carry-case. Order now to receive yours in time for Lent!

The Opti-Rotissomat is manufactured by Rotoscope Investments Inc., a wholly owned subsidiary of CII Ltd’s Spearmint Division.

16 comments March 19th, 2007

Vacancy ref. 0254793-F

Cheesegrating Operative
£12,656 pa
Closing date: 20/03/07
Start date: 28/04/07

Chris Tarrant is looking for a new member to join his team of household servants, slaves and lackeys. As Cheesegrating Operative, you will be required to maintain and manage Mr. Tarrant’s vital supply of cheese, pre-processed into thin strands. Working with a range of cheeses of varying textures, it will be your responsibility to select appropriate grating tools and maintain their chrome finish. You will be required to use your own initiative in grating each cheese with the correct width and length of strand.

As part of the wider team you will work with Mr. Tarrant’s head chef to co-ordinate cheese output for large social events, providing if necessary custom-grated cheese for each guest. Mr. Tarrant consumes approximately one kilogram of grated cheese, in a range of flavours and textures, at each meal. From time to time you will also be required to co-operate with Mr. Tarrant’s team of experienced sex slaves should his bedroom activities require further cheese.

The successful applicant will be able to show an awareness of the need for high-grade cheesegrating as part of a wider food preparation environment, and be a team player. He or she will ideally have at least one year’s experience of grating for a mildly famous person or organisation. The job requires a high level of commitment and Mr. Tarrant expects the successful applicant to be at work for fifteen hours each day.

Please send a full CV and sample of your grating, with 200-word explanatory essay of why you chose the type of cheese and the grating standard, and any other information you consider relevant, to:

Chris Industries International Ltd
Human Resources, 57th Floor
Marshall Towers
London
LN1 2EE

5 comments March 10th, 2007