“Disabled people don’t go shopping” – Tina
“She’s one sandwich short of a barbeque” – Audrey
“I saw it on the radio this morning” – Emma
“Can you wash cats?” – unknown munter
“Men’s winkies look like baby elephants gone wrong” – Nicola
Sometimes I wonder how the female species dare to ask for equality if this is the best they can come up with… just kidding 😉
9 comments June 1st, 2007
I have a new and exciting way to predict the weather. Based on scientific examination of the weather cycles over the last week, in conjunction with the shift patterns I have worked over the same period of time, I have produced a theory which I am calling the Almighty Theory of Weather By Chris Who Is Great.
The patterns were as follows.
My next day off will be Saturday 2nd June. I therefore confidently predict warm, dry weather in the South East of England until Friday. On Saturday I predict rain.
I have developed a second theory as a result of these observations. I have called it the Weather is a Bastard theory.
7 comments May 29th, 2007
This is a solo mission I have granted to one Kevin Hill, second member of the Saint King’s personal service. It was forwarded on Saturday so I, the Saint King, king of all the saints and their saintly behaviour, would hope it would have arrived by now.
Task Two – ‘Mending’. As you are all aware the dictaphone Daisy broke a week or two ago and as such a certain person’s related quest is now postponed for the moment. Striking up such a brilliant brainwave together we decided it might be a fitting task to task one of the new members of the Saint King’s Army with the task of trying to fix Daisy. A letter, the usual disclaimer to the authorities and Daisy should now be in the posession of one Hill. He is to try his best; subsequent missions will be harder so this is a good time to get on the donkey and ride that horse to kingdom come.
Task 3 to follow shortly.
15 comments May 16th, 2007
This week’s week of the week is 14-20 November 1869.
Monday 15 November 1869 – Alexander Campbell stood down as Acting Minister of Inland Revenue in Canada.
Tuesday 16 November 1869 – the Suez Canal opened to shipping.
Wednesday 17 November 1869 – the ship Jason docked at Maryborough, Sydney, Australia. John W. Castle was the ship’s master.
Thursday 18 Novemebr 1869 – four days of heavy rainfall in the Texas Hill Country comes to an end.
Friday 19 November 1869 – full moon.
A great week, I’m sure you’ll agree!
11 comments May 15th, 2007
The recruitment task has been completed. The two members of the new Saint King Army should be returning their forms as we speak. In the meantime the Saint King, king oft he saints and all their saintly behaviour, has set a task for himself before assigning to those in his army.
Task One – ‘Harassment’. I have chosen a celebrity at random and shall be sending precisely one fan letter to their fan address each week. This is to continue until one of the two scenarious happens:
1 – The celebrity writes back.
2 – The celebrity’s representative writes to ask to stop sending letters.
I’m hoping it will be the first one but who can tell in this topsy-turvy world of ours. The letters are polite and well-mannered under the pseudonym Ian McIver, one of the Saint King’s alter egos. And what an ego it is! The first letter has been written and is due to be sent either tomorrow or Saturday depending on the queues in the manky post office in town. Who is the celebrity?
Emily Browning
Check google and wikipedia for pictures and information. Psychadelic Furs!
19 comments May 3rd, 2007
Unfortunately there was a tragic event that struck last night and because of it ‘The Mackford Files’ will have to go into storage for a while. The dictaphone, or Daisy as I had come to call her, was knocked off by the shoddy wardrobe she was sitting in and fell to the floor. Nothing appears to be wrong with her but she now refuses to work. I have had a few words with an agency and hope to have a replacement soon. Can we all please have a few minutes silence for Daisy though. She lasted ten files, ten files of lovliness, and we all loved her.
God bless you Daisy.
19 comments April 25th, 2007