Archive for May, 2008
Now then my little monkeys.
I was thinking today about clever adverts. Some band, who are apparently called the Pigeon Detectives, have apparently got some poxy new album out, or something, at the moment. Who cares. Well, I care, not because their music is worth another second of my precious lifespan, but because the advertising for it is clever. OK, so they have billboard adverts around the place.
But this is the clever thing, you see. The album’s called “Emergency”. Emergency, right? So on my way to work yesterday, the railings of a building site I passed had this red and blue tape around it, blocking off holes and making it look like an accident scene. They said EMERGENCY and PIGEON DETECTIVES on them. “That”, I thought to myself, “is clever”.
The Mystery Jets had their logo sprayed on phone boxes near my work earlier in the year too, which is quite good, because it’s a weird plane thing with a question mark in it. So it is actually a mystery. See what they did there?
And apparently last night on Channel 4, Honda did an advert with skydivers spelling out the word ‘HONDA’ that was broadcast live. Flipping heck.
Brilliant. What other clever adverts are kicking around?
May 30th, 2008
So I recently finished Halo on the X-Box (after ripping through the last level in the jeep, falling 100ft down and not losing any energy, and then doing a runner to the big pointy space ship) and it wasn’t the hardest game in the world. This was probably due to the fact that I was playing on the normal level of difficulty. What did my eyes greet me when I had finished though? A short film of me blasting off saying in typical fashion, “I don’t think this is the last we’ve seen of them, in fact I think this is just the beginning.” Oh dear, are you setting me up for Halo 2? It was crap. If I had spent £300 odd quid on the console (remember it was free ladies and gentlemen) and then £50 on the game I would have been throwing my owl around in frustration.
Another disappointment was the last episode of Dexter. All in all I have no beef with it because it was exceptionally good all the way through and that they didn’t keep the other guy alive and he was forced to kill him was the best way but something so tacky as it being his brother? Predictable. Shod. They may as well have had the police chief in on it too and have some wise cracking good cop killed off a few days before his retirement. My loins hunger for more fufilling closing credits.
I might try ‘The Crying Game’…
May 19th, 2008
I’m writing this post on a stupidly expensive gadget which I quite clearly cannot afford. It enables me to read my emails and look at websites and that while sitting on a train (like now), or while lying in bed, or mincing along the street like some 21st century trendy London dweller, as though I was an internet connected Austin Powers.
I hate Austin Powers.
I am able to do this because last night I went out and spent a massive amount of money on an iPhone. I am not proud of this, but it is so shiny that I am finding it hard to care because it really is vey shiny and sexy and that.
I can’t afford this and will regret it before too long, but as I told myself as I left the O2 shop, I needed a new phone because my old one is shagged, and in any case, fuck it, you only live once. Hurrah for impulse buys!
May 17th, 2008
Now, there isn’t much scope for wildlife in Willington Quay. Unless of course you include my downstairs neighbours. But, and Bill Oddie would be sooooooooooooooo proud, we have an OWL. Yes, gennelmen, an OWL. I hear it in the mornings, McIver doesn’t and in fact takes the piss out of me because of it. But its there. It has been known to park its bum on my roof. I have christened him “Bunter” in homage to Frank Richards wonderful character, Billy Bunter, aka “The Fat Owl of the Remove”. So its either that, or McIver is really Harry Potter and the owl is there as his postal system.
May 16th, 2008
Welcome to the newest article to hit the shores of Beans Island. It’s sort of a sisterly accompanyment to the ‘Silly Bint of the Month’ but with fresh ideas and more longevity… actually that’s a lie because I’ve only managed to think of a couple of people who this might apply to. Nonetheless it’s never kept a good man down, head to the ground, keep the ground hit running fast nicely.
Today I wish to discuss current NME-w*nk act the Ting Tings. They’ve been hyped to buggery and to be honest their music is about as catchy as a peppercorn in a tuxedo. Everyone is wetting themselves about this “band”, because I use the term very loosely, and I can’t see the appeal OTHER than the fact that Katie White is quite attractive. Erm, not judging by the photo on wikipedia though (it borders on munterly). It’s best if we put that one to one side. I personally resent most songs that include the term DJ because it’s a lazy thing to do. Yeah come on DJ, play that song DJ, make me dance DJ, it’s hardly Shakespeare and even if Shakespeare knew what a DJ was I expect he could have written a better song. Let’s take a look at lyrics to previous single ‘Great DJ’.
“Imagine all the girls,
Ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
And the boys,
Ah ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
And the strings,
Eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee, eee.
And the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums”
And so on, grand! I hope that they die a slow death. Peace out.
May 13th, 2008
Roll up! Roll up! Come one, come all…
Come in and enjoy the wonderful world of fruit based fascists, today I have great pleaseure to present you, the marvelous viewing public with…
Continue Reading May 7th, 2008
Now, I love this programme and McIver doesn’t. He watches it under duress. But last nights was a classic. The teams had to devise 2 new occasions for which to sell greetings cards. One bunch of numpties chose “Happy Singles Day” which was to run on 13th February. The day before Valentine’s Day, when the shops are full of slushy shit (I say this, as I never get one, being single). The other bunch of fuckwits chose a card to encourage you to save the environment. I kid you not. “Let’s save the environment – how can we do that?” “I know, send a card to everybody we know telling them to save the environment”. “Great idea”. These people, my dear friends, are future captains of industry. No doubt they will be elevated to top jobs at Northern Rock. Car crash TV, but I am addicted. There’s a bit of snobbery about watching the Apprentice. It’s Big Brother, suited and booted.
May 1st, 2008