Swap That For Something Else

October 7th, 2010

There are girls who on hills
And girls who live in towns
I was smart enough to find the one to drag me down.

I brought her some cake, said it was too sweet.
I bought her a house, it was on the wrong street.
I brought her some drugs, they were the wrong kind,
She wanted the ones that went pop in your mind.

I gave her a puppy, said its chops were all twisted,
“It’s common at that age,” I quietly insisted.
We even made a baby, even that wasn’t correct,
How should I know she wanted the opposite sex?

When it came to the end of the world I just frowned,
Something told me there’d be problems around.
And there was. In spades. Heaped in a pile
That woman there raised a wicked smile,
“It wasn’t how I planned it,” she said from her chair,
Like you could plan something uncommon, so rare.
Apparently asteroids and volcanoes and ashes weren’t in,
The path of destruction should be a cosmic explosion.
The colours were too fluid, the temperature too hot,

By this time I was ready to explode, I kid not.
If it was all going to end in a short space of time
I’d rather not spend it listening to that thing whine.
Me and Gerry, out space cadet son,
Only aged eight yet courageous and handsome,
We snuck out the back door, trying not to laugh,
We left her to deal with the horrible aftermath
Alone, our last moments were spent enjoying the peace,
Eating hotdogs and sandwiches and tasty roast beef.

Arthur “Lemon” Lemonson

Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories