Less Popular Fairytales – The Magic Jogging Pants

February 14th, 2011

Once upon a time there was a man named Steve. He lived a fairly regular life full of routine and things to do. He worked in an office from 9am until 5pm, which was customary in those days, and enjoyed healthy sexual relations with many women he encountered in the workplace and on nights out.

One day Steve was putting away some washing when he noticed a pair of jogging pants he didn’t recognise. They were grey and ugly but as it was Sunday and nobody does anything Sunday he put them on and went through into his living room. Steve decided that he was going to watch his favourite film – Mannequin starring Andrew McCarthy and Kim Catteral. Then if he felt really adventurous he would also go for Splash Too and something starring Jennifer Aniston (he has an awful taste in films).

When Steven open the DVD box though he shrieked in horror; the disc was scratched beyond all recognition! When had it happened? Last week when the shelf broke and all the DVDs fell down? Was it during the Halloween party where two out of three people had broken something in his flat? It didn’t matter, all that did matter was that watching Mannequin today was completely out of the question. With his head in his hands Steve felt low. In what he believed to be a pointless endeavour he wiped the disc over his jogging pants to somehow help. He lifted the disc up and there it was; his reflection starring back at an unscratched clean surface. Through his tears he couldn’t believe his eyes. He rubbed his eyes in an unconvincing manner and checked again; there was no doubt about it, the marks were gone. Steve jumped in the air and whooped with joy.

That afternoon was the most rewarding afternoon Steve had ever had. With every graze, mark and scratch he would wipe the media on his jogging pants and they would come up sparkling. Steve even found it worked on CDs, his television and the toaster too. Unfortunately because he wasn’t the brightest of fellows this was as far as it went. Had he taken the time to look into this phenomena more he would have discovered the magic healing qualities of the jogging pants including the ability to stitch bones, remove infection and un-break necks.

Tragic.

In the end he threw them out and they were eaten by a donkey.

Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories