January 8th, 2012

“It’s when the boat blows up that makes me the happiest.”

2012 will no doubt bring forth new ideas and ways of thinking. I however do not like to think about the future because I’m obsessed with the past. We’ve previously talked about Shit Wizards but what about those figures of magic at the complete opposite end of the spectrum? What about the Bling Wizards?

Bling Wizards are completely committed to their role as absolute masters of magic, but they also know how to have a good times. If you were a Bling Wizard on a Saturday night if you weren’t stood in a casino with two girls on your arm drinking champagne out of a cow’s anus then there’d be something wrong with you. They love to indulge in the craziest behaviour possible. Most Bling Wizards love extreme sports such as crocodile stacking, electrical pylon base jumping and owl darts.

I have met and interviewed many Bling Wizards in my time and the blingest and most wizardous of them all must be Billy Sheffield. A young entrepreneur and orange enthusiast, Billy led the way when it came to indulgence. He once built a statue of himself out of led paste and ate the whole thing so they could build an orphanage where it stood. He also regularly corrected GMT when it would accidentally tick two seconds instead of one and nobody noticed. Billy noticed.

If you think that this line of work is not to your tastes there are many other wizard careers you could pursue. The Shit Wizard and Bling Wizard are only two of several different endeavours. If you require further information shoot two possums into the air and you’ll find our leaflet on your doorstep the next day.

Entry Filed under: Great,Ian

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