nEVER tHE tWAIN sHALL mEET (hUH hUH!)

April 9th, 2009

I knew it.

It was as if it came to me in a a dream, but not really a dream. A sort of fluffy dream cloud, like a dream, where it rested in my ears and settled like snow on a quilted meadowtop. In any case I have found conclusive proof that somebody, someone, a certain person predicted the glocal recession YEARS before. Oh yes, after much digging and deliberation I can reveal that that person is… Shania Twain.

Oh you may scoff like the rest of them did but here’s the proof chummies. Read these lyrics from her multi-award-winning best-single-ever song ‘Ka-Ching’:

“We’ve created us a credit card mess
We spend the money we don’t possess
Our religion is to go and blow it all
So it’s shopping every Sunday at the mall.”

And:

“When you’re broke go and get a loan
Take out another mortgage on your home
Consolidate so you can afford
To go an spend some more when you get bored.”

See? This was back in 2003. I didn’t see U2 or Bob Geldof grabbing a microphone and trying to warn us but she had the foresight. Even though the song was shit she dared to stand up and predict the future. Madam, I gesticulate in your general direction.

Entry Filed under: Bedtime stories,Gravy,Ian,Monkeys

20 Comments

  • 1. Chris  |  April 9th, 2009 at 09:44

    I gesticulate in all directions. Truly remarkable. Surely nobody could turn to her and say “that don’t impress-a me much”.

  • 2. Kevil  |  April 9th, 2009 at 10:10

    I gesticulate north and say “Huzzah for Shania”

  • 3. Chris  |  April 9th, 2009 at 12:48

    I am now gesticulating very specifically towards a small area of my room below the desk and behind the bin.

  • 4. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 12th, 2009 at 20:32

    See me, right, I always thought she was a really bad country singer songwriter who struck it big with a particularly awful song about male stereotypes that was in the chart for ages and then built upon this with similarly terrible songs but clearly I was wrong. How I repent!

  • 5. Chris  |  April 13th, 2009 at 18:49

    I am gesticulating in a way that is not immediately visible.

  • 6. Kevil  |  April 13th, 2009 at 19:41

    I am gesticulating. Thats all you need to know.

  • 7. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 14th, 2009 at 12:51

    I think Shania would be proud with the amount of gesticulating going on right now. There is a lot of gesticulating in this room.

  • 8. Chris  |  April 15th, 2009 at 12:17

    I am replaying a video of my earlier gesticulations as an art project. Later I will perform the exact same gesticulations in a darkened room. The lottery is giving me a million pounds to do this.

  • 9. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 15th, 2009 at 17:08

    I could never make money from gesticulating. Tell me how you managed to do so in no less than 50 words. EXACTLY 50 words, and no less.

  • 10. Chris  |  April 18th, 2009 at 21:17

    I went to the nice lottery man and said “I want some cash please!” He asked me why. I said I wanted to make ART. He said he cared not for my arty projects. I said I would sleep with all of his family. He agreed. Now I am sore.

  • 11. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 21st, 2009 at 07:31

    Exactly fifty words. Outstanding. A + and a couple of gyratory thrusts for you young man.

    Seeing as Kevs gone silent again I’ll have a bash of thems apples:

    “First I held my loins out, that didn’t work. Then I made a poster and gave away free door handles, that didn’t work. In the end it was so clear; I ramped society dry with my gesticulating interlect until I could poo notes through my ears. Thems the apple brakes.”

  • 12. Chris  |  April 21st, 2009 at 10:22

    Marvellous. Have a special bandanna of glee.

  • 13. Ian  |  April 22nd, 2009 at 07:27

    I thought that said special banana of glee.

    But a bandanna is still chronic.

    Now I will write only in short sentences.

    And spaced apart in an annoying fashion.

  • 14. Chris  |  April 22nd, 2009 at 11:50

    How

    Very

    Useless

  • 15. Kevil  |  April 23rd, 2009 at 09:18

    Bwaaaa

  • 16. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 23rd, 2009 at 13:58

    I trust this is satsifactory and look forward to receiving your reply.

  • 17. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 23rd, 2009 at 13:58

    SATSIFACTORY!

  • 18. Kevil  |  April 28th, 2009 at 11:06

    Satan’s Factory?

  • 19. Chris  |  April 28th, 2009 at 12:02

    Sat’s a fact – hurry!

  • 20. Ian Mac Mac Mac Mac McIver  |  April 29th, 2009 at 08:51

    If Satan had a factory you would own shares in it Kev and you’d have minions to carry each fresh copy of the Daily Mail.

Something random

Archives

Categories