Newsboost Zoom Flume – That’s Enough of that, Sunshine!
July 7th, 2009
The human race was left stunned yesterday as it has been confirmed that the moon has filed a restraining order against the sun.
The moon, aka Carlos Vanderbeeter, faxed the paperwork to the local law courts in Liverpool, much to the bewilderment of the staff.
“We have no idea, not a clue,” said the Chief Magistrate Thomas Lockjaw, “it’s pretty much a case of WTF, possibly the biggest we’ve ever seen.” Mr Vanderbeeter claims that he is tired of the lewd comments and obscene gestures he receives from the sun, aka Carley Fern, on a daily basis and has demanded that she be moved with at least seven hundred and fifty thousand miles between the two stars to ensure that the alleged harrassment stops. In doing so though this could see the end of the human race as any alteration in the positioning of the sun could affect our planet’s temperature. That’s bad.
“I honestly don’t know what we will do if he wins. The only transport we have is a Fiat Uno. Have you ever seen a 2000lb car trying to move a 7.35 x 10 ^22kg mass?”
Yes. Yes I have.
In response to this Miss Fern has defended herself stating that the allegations from Mr Vanderbeeter are entirely fabricated and that she will be fighting them from all angles. The proposed hearing will take place next month at Liverpool Magistrates Court, with chubby school children standing in for both sides of the dispute.
Entry Filed under: Noos Flash
6 Comments
1. Kevil | July 7th, 2009 at 08:43
I’d like to be the first person to tell you that the moon is not a star.
Also… chortle
2. Ian | July 7th, 2009 at 12:59
Natural Satellite… star… same thing.
Ooooopsie.
3. Chris | July 9th, 2009 at 07:35
Why is the car imperial and the sun metric? I’ve only ever seen a 7.35 x 10^21Kg mass being pulled by a small compact Italian car.
4. Ian | July 9th, 2009 at 07:57
You will have to forgive Mack Mackford as he’s not the best with measurements and the like.
Plus I liked the fact that when you write the full mass of the moon is 73,500,000,000,000,000,000,000 (I think, it said twenty zeroes and I’ve never had to deal with numbers that big before, except when working out the bill at Kev’s designer poodle parlour).
5. Kevil | July 9th, 2009 at 09:41
My prices are very reasonable. I’ve had 7.35 x 10^22 winners at crufts you know.
6. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver | July 12th, 2009 at 20:43
Yes yes, we’ve all seen the 7.37 x 10^22 awards cabinet you have at the back of the shop. Stop gloating and go tuft Mrs Clancy’s shih tzu.