So You Want To Learn How To Eat Beets?

December 10th, 2009

So, you want to learn how to eat beets? Eating beets is not an easy thing. You can’t just pick them up and start mowing away like a man with a lawn. There is a subtle art and delicate nature to the eating of the beets and we are happily here to show you how.

Let’s start from the beginning. Fundamentally there are three ways to eat beets. The most common is the wrong way. The less most common is the right way. The one that flits about in the middle is the more less common but less more common than the other two way. For today’s seminar, if you can call it a seminar, we will focus on the less most common method, for it is the least known of the three.

What is a beet? Where do they come from? How do they arrive? We don’t have time for all the facts so we’ll say this: they do arrive safely and unharmed during the night. Are beets held hostage? Of course not. That would be silly.

Moving on now, the history of the beet is brief. They arrived in 1997 after too many people complained that the carrot was becoming too popular. Some believe it was multi-millionaire Frans Buldishot who bred a turnip with a bottle of purple colour dye to come up with the beet, which has since been confirmed as true. Beets are popular in most countries, including Guatamala.

So without further a do we can kindly guide you into the eating of beets. You want to know and we want to tell you. This is why these things work so well. It’s simple; the best way to eat beets is to not at all because they taste like sh*t.

Entry Filed under: Delicious,Friut Fascists,Loins,Think about it

4 Comments

  • 1. Chris  |  December 10th, 2009 at 16:43

    I have taken many notes.

    For those particularly interested in this subject, I can recomment Hoffman, Hoffman and Hoffman’s 1983 textbook “Beets: What the Chuff?: The Beet as Friend and Companion” as a vital reference work in this area.

  • 2. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  December 10th, 2009 at 22:41

    I’m so glad you mentioned that because I forgot to mention the reading list at the end and that was at the top.

    I have, heh heh, the funniest story to do with Hoffman and Hoffman. It was the day Hoffman had to go get his car waxed…

  • 3. Chris  |  December 11th, 2009 at 22:59

    Yes? And?

  • 4. Ian "Mac Mac Mac Mac" McIver  |  December 12th, 2009 at 10:46

    Well that’s it. Didn’t you hear what I said? Hoffman had to go get his car waxed but Hoffman took Hoffman’s car by accident. Come on, you were there are the annual company picnic in July. You should already know this.


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