Blog That!

December 30th, 2009

It’s been a while since the last time. When was the last time I sneered? I might do it all the time and not realise. When you don’t have a mirror in your face all the time you forget to do some of the classic facial expressions and tics that make being a human being so worthwhile: the wink, the horsey clicking noise with your tongue, the Jim-Robinson-from-Neighbours-look-of-surprise-which-causes-your-forehead-to-ruffle-like-jagged-crisps. All of them necessary of course.

Sneering has almost dropped off the radar. Our country as a whole sneers at a lot of things that are too numerous to mention here. I can bet that anyone caught reading this will be able to come up with two or three, possibly a handful at a push. It expresses a disbelief or a dislike of something, a clear and straightforward view that couldn’t be taken any other way. Interestingly enough an absence of sneering during World War II and post-way Britain led to a deficiency of Vitamin B in both men and women. Children however remained unaffected due to bad television and the realisation that the PSP and Pokemon wouldn’t be invented for another fifty years.

Too little sneering and you’re one of “those” people, you know the type. The ones who think everything is great and that life is worth living and that you should every day as though it was your last. Who would want to wake up thinking they’re going to be killed in less than twenty-four hours? It’s hardly a way to live. Too much sneering and you’re labelled a miserable tw*t. It’s very difficult to find a balance which is why most people opt for the former. The over 60’s unfortunately have been sneering for so long that they cannot stop and they will continue to blurt out classic phrases such as:

1) “It wasn’t like that in maa dey!”
2) “A war would teech you a fing a two, Sonny Jim!”
3) “F*cking ‘ell! The metric system strikes again!”

(the preceeding phrases were taken mainly from various parts of Yorkshire which is why they mainly appear illegible. Please see your local codjer for regional variations.)

The more disheartened we are, the more things go wrong, the more times we fail will all eventually push us towards further sneering. Having not done it and not missed it for so long I will, for the moment, enjoy and relish a good sneer and I openly encourage everyone else to do so. For only five minutes or less. You wouldn’t want to linger on that four minute and fifty-nine second mark, believe me…

Entry Filed under: Ian