For Some Unknown Reason…
… I Still cant upload pictures on my laptop. so i cant join in the free flowing funland of festoons. And that makes me a Sad Panda 🙁
2 comments May 31st, 2006 Kevil
Bad Day (Please… don’t take no pictures)
I’m going to spend most of today pissing through my eyeballs
5 comments May 31st, 2006 Ian
Movie review: Confessions of a Driving Instructor
Good evening. One of my final year lectures is British Cinema, and as part of my exam revision, I have watched Confessions of a Driving Instructor in full. Student life is hard. This might even become a regular feature.
Confessions of a Driving Instructor (1976) dir. Cohen
Starring Robin Asquith, Lynda Bellingham (her off the Oxo adverts)
Rating: 2/5
This is the first “Confessions” movie I have seen but it’s actually the third one in the series, which sees Tim (Robin Asquith) and his brother set up a driving school. Hilarity, of course, ensues.
This is possibly the worst film I have seen in a long time. It’s one of many British films of the 70s that were made on no budget whatsoever in order to make some quick cash, though the “Confessions” series is unusual in that it was funded by the US studio Columbia. Even so, the budget is almost non-existant and was mostly spent on insuring one large Bentley that is used in several reckless chase scenes and in convincing hordes of young women to briefly appear naked. Even Lynda Bellingham – later the prim and proper mum of the Oxo household – gets her baps out. In total there are flashes of gratuitous nudity from about six women.
The production values are a joke. It’s so bad it’s almost funny, but not quite. The funniest thing is how inexplicably eager women are to hop into bed with our gurning protagonist.
The point of the film seems to be to give hope to otherwise unattractive, geeky men who have no luck with women, by convincing them that most women are sex-starved, adulterous creatures who will get undressed at the first opportunity, have sex in any location and are willing to try it on with any unattractive geeky driving instructor who might come their way. The majority of them also have large dangly boobs.
All of the above is, of course, not true in real life, which is a tremendous disappointment. And so I give this film only 2/5 jam jars.
5 comments May 30th, 2006 Chris
I have a less interesting life than Marshall
Got up, thrusted my loins, fed baby breakfast, went for a walk to the co-op, had lunch, thrusted my loins, put baby down for a nap, wrote another ‘hilarious’ Flat Kitty and Wobbly Dog story, woke baby from nap, thrusted my loins, put baby to bed, spent an hour trying to make him sleep, thrusted my loins, made a cd, stayed up until midnight… 😛 and that’sa end of that chapter.
Sorted. Respect due.
 
  I love jiggy pirates!
9 comments May 28th, 2006 Ian
Chucka chucka
I’m tempted to say the word, “crotch.”
Kev I keep saying the word, “crotch.” Do you have any thoughts on the matter? 😀
5 comments May 27th, 2006 Ian
Wobbly Dog and Flat Kitty – Atrocity Exhibition
One day as the sun shone on the well-caked world Flat Kitty and Wobbly Dog sat outside in the garden. “What shall we do today?” asked Flat Kitty, “it seems like such a lovely day I’d hate to waste it indoors.”
“An adventure would certainly suit a day like this,” replied Wobbly Dog, “like a ride in a hot air balloon or a trek through an Amazonian rain forest.” Flat Kitty thought hard to rack her brain to work out what to do on this glorious of days and also how such an ill-educated dog knew of the lush greenery of a country miles and miles away. “I’ve got it, a trip to the zoo!” she gasped with excitement and sprinted around the garden. When I say sprint though what I really mean is she jigged on the spot and made the poorest of efforts to move from side to side. Not really the same. “Excellent, let’s go!” shouted Wobbly Dog quite clearly caught up in the moment and couldn’t prevent himself from falling into the paddling pool. Flat Kitty flopped to his rescue. “Thanks, I just needed to cool off before we embarked on our expedition,” mumbled Wobbly Dog lying to preserve his pride.
6 comments May 27th, 2006 Ian
Excitement and adventure
It’s all gone a bit quiet on here lately! Time to spice things up with the story of my day out…
For the uninitiated, I am a geek, interested in roads. I (and like-minded people, who can be found here at SABRE) were mortified two years ago to discover that the Powers That Be were planning to get rid of one of the most-discussed anomalies on the road network. It’s a small road called the A6144(M) which is a motorway but was only a piddly two-lane thing. Oodles of info here.
On Wednesday night it was closed and all the motorwayness removed. Noooo! So I set out to get some little memento to keep for posterity, on behalf of SABRE.
We went to the depot, asked around, got passed to contractors and subcontractors, had to get someone out of bed who had been working there over night, and ended up scrambling around on the back of a works truck in piles of metal poles and electrical equipment. But I did it! Ha!
Saved, cleaned up and residing in my living room. A good day’s work.
1 comment May 25th, 2006 Chris
Pirates – a wee song
“There was a pirate that all the other pirates feared,
 Even black, blue, red and yellowbeard.
 Now the captain was as rotten as they come,
 And never once thought to write to his mum (boo hoo hoo).
 Argh! Argh! Marie…. Celeste!
 She’s got the meaniest crew the world has ever faced (Bad boys!).
 Then the bowson shouted something out, “Oi, there’s a ship to the west!”
 Shiver me timbers! Walk the plank! SOS! Swim for shore! Pieces of eight! Abandon ship!
 It wasn’t magic, or ghost and tricks,
 It was down to a bowl of Wheetabix.
 That’s why they found no pirates aboard the Marie Celeste.”
4 comments May 24th, 2006 Ian